God Moment #3

Yesterday morning I was reading the Bible. I can't even begin to explain enough how much of a difference reading God's Word first thing in the morning brings to my whole day. What's weird is sometimes, He just reveals Himself and it totally freaks me out.

For example, yesterday I came across Psalm 18. There was a particular section, Psalm 18:16-19, that jumped out at me. It says,

He reached down from on high and took hold of me,

He drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place,

he rescued me because he delighted in me.

This verse really spoke to me because that's what God is doing with me right now, as He is saving me from myself. My foe is my addiction, and it's absolutely more powerful than I am.

Wave after endless wave.

I was sinking.

I was drowning.

I was dying.

Then God stepped in. He reached out and grabbed a hold of me, using ministries like XXXChurch, Pure Life, Freedom Ministries, and the Weekend to Remember Marriage Seminar. He pulled me into recovery and started to heal myself and my marriage.

And then came a period of relapses. Relapses, that I didn't treat as relapses because I thought that I hadn't fully give back in to my addiction, failing to realize that with each slip, I was sliding further back into the waters.

Like the swimmer who doesn't realize that he's gone to far from the shore.

Deeper and deeper.

Until I couldn't say I was sober. Until my demons confronted me on the day of my disaster. The day that I had to tell my wife that I relapsed.

It was at this time, that God stepped back into my life. He opened my eyes. He opened my heart. He reached back down, and rescued me from my powerful enemy and brought me out to a spacious place. A place of safety.

Why?

Because He delighted in me.

In me.

A struggling addict who couldn't even see his addiction for what it was.

He delighted in me.

So how is this a God Moment? Well, that same morning when I read this verse, I went downstairs to get ready for our trip to Everland. I started listening to a new podcast called Porn to Purity. It's done by a married couple that share their struggle with sexual addiction. The husband's addiction had cost him his ministry and nearly destroyed their lives, because addiction isn't just about the addict.

The wife was talking about what was helping her get through. I say getting through, because they were 2 years into recovery, which reminded me that recovery is more than just 12-steps. The wife started to share Bible verses that really helped her, and the first one she shared was Psalm 18:18. The very verse that an hour earlier I had just read and that God spoke into my heart so profoundly.

It was like this reinforcement of how much He loved me. It was like a reminder of His comittment to me.

And then this morning, while reading Rob Bell's Sex God, which is a book about God's plan for sex, I started to see how all of this was connected. I started to see how God had been working in my life all these years, leading me to this point in my recovery where I was open to Him. It's amazing to see how He interconnects things. In fact, it blew me away when I saw it, but I'll save that for later.

The Heart of the Matter

This morning I read Job 31:9-12 which really spoke to me, especially Job 31:9-10 which says:

"If my heart has been enticed by a woman or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door, then may my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her."

Job states that if his heart has been captured by another woman, then his wife may as well sleep with other men because that is the same that he has done by giving his heart to another.

The word "enticed" is such an excellent word because it's so easy for us, as men, to forget how easily we can be led, or lead ourselves, astray. As a recovering sex addict I convinced myself that I wasn't cheating on my wife because I was not having a physical affair even though Jesus clearly states in Matthew 5:29:

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

During the course of my recovery I've learned that lusting after a woman is the same as cheating on my wife, and my wife confirmed this as well. Slowly over time God has opened my eyes to see the destruction that my addiction caused and at times the pain and guilt threaten to overwhelm me. He's also opened my eyes to see how willingly I allowed my heart to become enticed by other women, whether I knew them in real life or online. I thought that my addiction was just about satisfying my physical cravings, but I've realized that it was also about my emotional needs, which were even more poisonous to my family and myself.

Lord, I confess that I have sinned in both my body and my heart, and I repent from my ways and ask that with your help Dear Lord that you continue to strengthen me through my recovery. Lord, I ask for your healing touch in my heart, my wive's heart, and my children's hearts. I ask, Lord, that you help me forgive myself, and help me release my guilt to you Lord.

New Family Blogsite

Mary and I started this blog to provide family and friends with light-hearted pictures and updates of what was going on in our lives. Over time, it's taken on a more serious tone and really started to address our spiritual journey as well as my road to recovery. We tried to do both but feel that if we started another blogsite we would be able to do a better job at focusing on each topic. Therefore, it's with great excitement that we bring you The Funsized Family Blog which will focus on all the stuff that we had originally planned to discuss before I hijacked the blog with my rambling, whiny, endless blog posts.

Anna's Hair Tramua

I was sitting at the computer when I heard a child crying at the playground, which is not an unusual event.  After a minute, I realized that it was Anna, which once again wasn't an unusual event.  What was unusual though was when I heard the other kids start to panic, which caused me to run outside. 

Anna and her friend were giving each other rides on a moving hand cart.  It's one of those things that movers use to haul boxes up and down.  Anna's hair got caught and her friend kept pushing the cart.  Her hair was completely tangled around the wheel and when I finally got her untangled we had a huge clump of Anna's hair.  Here are some pics.

The Heart of Worship

One of the things that I'm bad about is judging a church by its worship music.  If I don't like the music, I don't like the church.  In fact, that was one of the big reason we left the first church we went to in Kansas, even though the pastor delivered excellent sermons and their congregation was active.

I find mysef wanting, or better yet, demanding that the worship music make me feel a certain way and then I can focus on God.  When I do this, it becomes all about me and not about Him.  

Today, God used this video to speak to my heart, and how I need to change my attitude towards worship.  I've actually said the line about the guitar not being loud enough!  In the end, it's not about us, it's all about Him and it's about time I start remembering that.

Marina with Leni and Jeffery at her first Military Ball

Marina was invited to her first Military Ball.  Ha, now she knows what I go through!!!  She had a good time but admitted that all the speeches were BORING!!  I actually felt for her.  I can't believe that my little baby girl is going to be 15 in 2 weeks!!

Fireproof Bible Study

We were doing a Bible Study on the movie Fireproof, which is a movie about marriage and the effect of pornography in the marriage. We were blessed to have one of the movie actors, Ken Bevel, join us and share his testimony. It was incredible.

My lovely ladies

God Moment #2

A few weeks ago, I was in the shower. In the past, I would often act out sexually (masturbate) in the shower. One of my basic boundaries for staying sober is no porn and no masturbation.

This particular day, I was very tempted to act out and could feel myself starting to disconnect and go into my fantasy world. I said a prayer to God for help. All of a sudden a centipede-like bug crawled by my foot in the shower. I had to kill it, which knocked me out of my mood and saved me from relapsing.

It's an incredible reminder that God IS listening and acting in our lives everday. At the same time, it totally freaked me out because God answered my prayer instantly, which reminds me that He is there ALL the time and knows our every thought and action even before we do. Praise God!

January Pics

Well, it's been way too long since we've last updated the blog. We've been spending a lot of time on Facebook :) Here are a few pictures from January. It was a quiet month and we focused on catching our breath from the Christmas season. We were blessed to spend some time with the Kim's, who are friends of ours from CGSC at Fort Leavenworth.

God Moment #1

We've decided to keep track of the little God Moments as reminders of how God works throughout our lives and the lives of those around us.

Tonight's God moment was when Anna, Nick, Mary, and I were praying before bed. Here's what Anna prayed for:

"that Papi can get to work on time and that Grandma Ruth won't step on thorns."

 

On New Years Eve we went to a Norebang (a Korean Karoke room) with some friends.  This is Anna and Tyler having fun singing the itsy bitsy spider!

We had just goten out of Christmas service and went to the Dragon Hil to see all the Christmas decorations.  They had a countdown to Christmas so the kids got their picture by it.

We were at the Plaza Hotel and Mike went upstairs to get a picture of all the kids from above.  

We took the kids ice skating.  It was so nice, they had lots of fun.

Marina and Anna. 

After we went ice skating we took the kids to get a snack a a Dunkin Donuts.  On our way we stopped by a Palace by the City Hall and snapped this photo.

The kids are sledding in our backyard.  Not much snow but they didn't care, they still had fun!!

Nick Christmas Caroling at the Dragon with his class.  Anna and I went to watch, it was so cute!!

Skating in Seoul

The family went skating at the City Hall in Seoul. It only cost 1,000 won to go skating and included the skates!

Guitar Hero World Tour

LifeChurch TV

I checked out Lifechurch TV for the first time. It was really incredible. They also have LifeGroups afterwards online.

A Pirate, A Pirate says Arrrr!

Let this be a lesson to all you future pirates out there!

Somali pirates drown as they flee with ransom

SIX Somali pirates who hijacked a Saudi supertanker drowned with their share of the ransom when their boat capsized as it left the vessel, their leader said yesterday.

Four others were missing with their share of the $3m payoff, which been parachuted on to the tanker on Friday, Mohamed Said said by phone from the port of Harardhere.

“The small boat that was carrying those killed and eight who survived was overloaded . . . they were afraid of a chase from outsiders [foreign navies of the combined maritime forces],” he said.

Mohamud Aden, a resident of the port off which the tanker had been anchored watched by the warships, said: “The capsize was an accident. The pirates were full of joy and partially frightened by the presence of foreign war machines and were speeding. That was a tragedy for the pirates.”

In all, several dozen raiders had held the ship and its 25-member crew, including two Britons, to ransom. They were well-armed and disciplined but as soon as they got the ransom a shootout nearly broke out, it was reported.

The 1,080ft Sirius Star, owned by Aramco, is the largest vessel hijacked by the Somali pirates. It was seized in November in the Indian Ocean, well outside the raiders’ usual operating area.

The tanker was carrying 2m barrels of oil, more than a quarter of Saudi Arabia’s daily output and worth an estimated $100m. Its capture was seen as a dramatic demonstration of the pirates’ ability to strike hundreds of miles offshore.

The tanker’s crew included second officer Jim Grady, from Renfrewshire, and chief engineer Peter French, from Co Durham. Yesterday they were looking forward to coming home, though latest reports said the ship was still anchored off Harardhere.

More than 100 ships were attacked off the Horn of Africa last year and maritime officials said the problem was out of control. The pirates were said to have raked in $120m and still hold some 14 merchant ships and 300 crew.

The Sirius Star’s release came as the US Fifth Fleet announced that a taskforce targeting piracy would be launching later this month.

Nato and the European Union have warships in the Gulf and the Chinese navy has said it will assist.

Sanctus

I love this song. It's Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real.

Year in Review

It's hard to believe that 2008 is over.  So much has happened in the past couple of years that it's hard to keep things straight sometimes.  Here's a quick recap of 2008:

- January:  Grandpa Pavek went home to Grandma.  His Alzheimer's disease meant that he didn't recognize any of us anymore.  I think the hardest part of the disease is that you lose your loved one well before they pass away.  The day that he died we were driving up to MN and were listening to the The Bible Experience (an audio fullcast version of the Bible) and going through the Lord's Prayer when Mom called to tell us that we didn't need to hurry any longer.  To this day, the Our Father reminds me of that moment.  We also started attending the Open Door Baptist Church in KC.

- February: Joe and Sarah visited us in our house in KS.  This was the first time that they had visited us since we lived in Colorado in 1997.  It turned out to be a great visit and really brought the two families together.  At the end of the month, I joined Freedom Ministries to help with my sexual addiction.  This was a life-changing event.  I would like to say my road to recovery has always been smooth, but I've had my share of setbacks.  Nevertheless, I continue to trust in God and lift my addiction up to Him.  Please continue to pray for me with this season of trial.

- April: I coached Phillip and Nick's soccer team. It was a great experience and I loved the opportunity to get closer with the boys.  We also finally got our PCS orders to Korea and started making all the preparations for the move overseas.

- May:  As part of my recovery, I had to face some of my past failures the last time I ws in Korea.  It's funny how things that you push to the back of your mind comes out during recovery.  I've had to face several such skeletons.

- June: CGSC Graduation!  I really enoyed my time at the school.  I got reacquainted with some old friends and made several new ones.  We said goodbye to new friends and began the trip to Korea by starting off with leave in MN.  We had a family reunion, reconnecting to two sides of my dad's family.  This started during Grandpa's funeral when we realized how much we long it had been since we all sat down together.  

- July:  PCS to Korea.  One of the greatest God moments in my recent memory occured when my prayers were answered before my very eyes while trying to find seats on the airplane, after being bumped from our flight.  Seats were unavailable because we had Zoey with.  I said a quick prayer that we find seats and all of a sudden seats opened up!  

- August: The boys joined Kumdo and Tae Kwon Do.  I participated in a big training exercise, which had its emotional moments.

- September:  The kids started their first year in an overseas school.  Anna joined ballet and we went on a trip to Yesan.  After attending nearly every english church in the area, we settled on the Seoul International Baptist Church.

- October:  New neighbors moved in that we would become good friends with. 

- November: Anna joined Kinderdance.  Mary had her nasal polyp removal surgery in a Korean hospital. We had Thanksgiving at our house, which was a first for us.

- December: Merry Christmas!!!! Ice skating, Karaoke, and shopping trips.  We broadcasted our present opening on the internet for my parents to watch.  It was really hard to remain focused on Jesus at times.  This is something that we all need to work on, but I realized how blessed we are to be here in Korea together.  We miss our family all the time, but are looking forward to the day when we are all reunited.

That pretty much wraps everything up.  We hope that you all had a good New Year and look forward to hearing from each of you.  Happy New Year!

The Pavek's

November Pictures

The kids of our friends, Randy and Tammy & the Kim's at the Myeongdong shopping district right before Mary went in for her surgery.  Myeongdong is the fashion district in Seoul.

Anna with her Kitty Hat and gloves

Phillip with his friends, Walker and Jin on a field trip.

Mary and I went out with two other couples from the neighborhood on a fun night out.  This is us at Amigo's enjoying some good 80's music.  From left to right are Randy, Emma, Nate, Tammy, me, and Mary.

Halloween 2008

We had a great Halloween this year. They did the actual Trick or Treating on Saturday to help the "Weekend Warriors." These are all the Soldiers that are separated from their families during the week because they are stationed north of Seoul. They come down on the weekend to be with their families and then go back up north for the work week.

We went to a Halloween Party at Jeremy and Trish's house on Friday and then went trick or treating on Saturday. Here are some pictures: