The Heart of the Matter

This morning I read Job 31:9-12 which really spoke to me, especially Job 31:9-10 which says:

"If my heart has been enticed by a woman or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door, then may my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her."

Job states that if his heart has been captured by another woman, then his wife may as well sleep with other men because that is the same that he has done by giving his heart to another.

The word "enticed" is such an excellent word because it's so easy for us, as men, to forget how easily we can be led, or lead ourselves, astray. As a recovering sex addict I convinced myself that I wasn't cheating on my wife because I was not having a physical affair even though Jesus clearly states in Matthew 5:29:

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

During the course of my recovery I've learned that lusting after a woman is the same as cheating on my wife, and my wife confirmed this as well. Slowly over time God has opened my eyes to see the destruction that my addiction caused and at times the pain and guilt threaten to overwhelm me. He's also opened my eyes to see how willingly I allowed my heart to become enticed by other women, whether I knew them in real life or online. I thought that my addiction was just about satisfying my physical cravings, but I've realized that it was also about my emotional needs, which were even more poisonous to my family and myself.

Lord, I confess that I have sinned in both my body and my heart, and I repent from my ways and ask that with your help Dear Lord that you continue to strengthen me through my recovery. Lord, I ask for your healing touch in my heart, my wive's heart, and my children's hearts. I ask, Lord, that you help me forgive myself, and help me release my guilt to you Lord.