The ground is level at the foot of the cross....recovering addict rescued by the saving grace of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Saturday, July 04, 2009

God Moment #3

Yesterday morning I was reading the Bible. I can't even begin to explain enough how much of a difference reading God's Word first thing in the morning brings to my whole day. What's weird is sometimes, He just reveals Himself and it totally freaks me out.

For example, yesterday I came across Psalm 18. There was a particular section, Psalm 18:16-19, that jumped out at me. It says,

He reached down from on high and took hold of me,
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place,
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

This verse really spoke to me because that's what God is doing with me right now, as He is saving me from myself. My foe is my addiction, and it's absolutely more powerful than I am.

Wave after endless wave.

I was sinking.

I was drowning.

I was dying.

Then God stepped in. He reached out and grabbed a hold of me, using ministries like XXXChurch, Pure Life, Freedom Ministries, and the Weekend to Remember Marriage Seminar. He pulled me into recovery and started to heal myself and my marriage.

And then came a period of relapses. Relapses, that I didn't treat as relapses because I thought that I hadn't fully give back in to my addiction, failing to realize that with each slip, I was sliding further back into the waters.

Like the swimmer who doesn't realize that he's gone to far from the shore.

Deeper and deeper.

Until I couldn't say I was sober. Until my demons confronted me on the day of my disaster. The day that I had to tell my wife that I relapsed.

It was at this time, that God stepped back into my life. He opened my eyes. He opened my heart. He reached back down, and rescued me from my powerful enemy and brought me out to a spacious place. A place of safety.


Because He delighted in me.

In me.

A struggling addict who couldn't even see his addiction for what it was.

He delighted in me.

So how is this a God Moment? Well, that same morning when I read this verse, I went downstairs to get ready for our trip to Everland. I started listening to a new podcast called Porn to Purity. It's done by a married couple that share their struggle with sexual addiction. The husband's addiction had cost him his ministry and nearly destroyed their lives, because addiction isn't just about the addict.

The wife was talking about what was helping her get through. I say getting through, because they were 2 years into recovery, which reminded me that recovery is more than just 12-steps. The wife started to share Bible verses that really helped her, and the first one she shared was Psalm 18:18. The very verse that an hour earlier I had just read and that God spoke into my heart so profoundly.

It was like this reinforcement of how much He loved me. It was like a reminder of His comittment to me.

And then this morning, while reading Rob Bell's Sex God, which is a book about God's plan for sex, I started to see how all of this was connected. I started to see how God had been working in my life all these years, leading me to this point in my recovery where I was open to Him. It's amazing to see how He interconnects things. In fact, it blew me away when I saw it, but I'll save that for later.