On Level Ground

A Slave No More

2010-12-28T09:14:00.001+09:00

It took me years to fully see the bondage that my addiction kept me in. I thought I was free because I could express my "inner" self through acting out sexually. After all, I believed the lie that I was just a very sexual person and that I needed this release.

Jesus taught me what true freedom looked like. Freedom from guilt and shame. Freedom to truly enjoy the gifts that God gave me. Gifts like my family, my job, and opportunities to help bring others out of the dame addiction that I was ensnared in. I am so blessed and I couldn't even see it before.

Jesus tells the Jews that he was telling the truth and they refused to believe Him. That was the case for me. It took Jesus opening my eyes to my own sin for me to see what I had become and I've never been the same since that moment.

The True Power of Grace

2010-12-27T12:32:00.003+09:00

In John 8:1-11 we read the story of the woman caught in adultery. This is such a powerful story, especially if you're dealing with sexual sin. We don't know exactly the circumstances of the woman that was caught in adultery. How did she get to the point where she was having an affair? When this affair started, did she ever imagine that she would find herself at the point of being stoned? Did she have children? Did she love the man she was having an affair with? Did he tell her the things that she had been longing to hear? So many questions.

The Pharisees are quick to see this event as an opportunity to trap Jesus, but Jesus refuses to take the bait despite being battered with questions. Instead he issues a simple challenge, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Afterwards he went back to the ground and started writing. One by one the accusers left and finally it was just Jesus and the woman. Here is the one man that she knows can still accuse and condemn her. Here is the one man that has the authority to cast the stone. Here is the one man that knows the truth.

Eventually this is where we all will be, alone, one on one with Jesus, caught in our sin. Our defenses, excuses, reasons, will all amount to nothing. We have no defense and now must answer for what we've done. The law is clear and our sins, like the woman's, are punishable by eternal death.

Yet here's the absolutely, breath-taking, amazing portion. Jesus' response is not to condemn us but rather give us an opportunity to leave our sinful life behind and walk with Him. Despite being trapped in a lifestyle that we thought we could never get out of, Jesus offers us an escape that costs us nothing and everything all at once.

For so many of us, leaving our life of sin behind is one of the hardest things to do. Like Jacob Marley, in the Christmas Carol, Satan wants to drag us down with guilt and shame over our sins. But the thing is by accepting Jesus, we're already free. The chains of our past are just ghost images with no real hold on us, unless we allow them.

Breaking free from a life of sin is one of the most difficult things to do. I worked with one man that was struggling with sexual addiction. He joined a recovery group but refused to change his lifestyle. Over and over again he would relapse until finally the group leader had no choice but to ask him to leave the group until he was serious about his commitment to recovery. His departing statement was that now he would be free to live his life how he wanted.

We read countless times in the Gospels stories of Jesus freeing people and then instructing them to sin no more. To leave their life of sin. To not return to that which trapped them in the past. We never find out if all these people were successful or not. Chances are likely that some were and others were not. Ultimately the decision to accept freedom in Christ and to live in that freedom is ours to make.

So may the Lord open your eyes to see what true freedom is all about. May He fortify your walk with Christ as you walk out of the darkness and into the light. May He give you the strength to testify of the power of His Amazing Grace so that others may experience the same freedom that He has given you.

Military Authority and God's Authority

2010-12-26T23:20:00.003+09:00

The concept of authority is deeply embedded into the military mindset. Authorities define who can make decisions/gives orders as well as who is required to obey those orders. At higher-level organizations, authorities become a key discussion, because without granting the correct authority-levels, key leaders cannot make the decisions that result in necessary action.

Commanders that are given authority over military service members understand the responsibility that they inherit for the well-being of their subordinates and also understand the importance of military discipline and obeying orders.

In Luke 7:1-10, we read about the Roman Centurion whose servant was ill. The Centurion sent some of the elders to ask for Jesus' help but as Jesus approached the house, the Centurion sent another message saying that he wasn't worthy of Jesus' presence but that Jesus only needed to say the word and the servant would be healed.

So what does this all have to do with the Roman Centurion's faith in Jesus? The Centurion understood that Jesus' had authority over all of creation, an aspect that the religious leaders of the day refused to even consider. In fact, the religious leaders would challenge Jesus constantly on whose authority that Jesus spoke and acted on. The Centurion understood that since Jesus had authority over all of creation, Jesus orders would be carried out regardless of whether or not Jesus was physically present.

As I look at my own life, I realize that I still struggle with accepting God's authority over me. Accepting God's Authority means that you required to obey those orders. It means that you give up a certain portion of your individual freedom and submit yourself to someone over you. It is amazing that this Centurion so readily accepted Jesus' authority!

Pick Up Your Mat

2010-12-19T17:10:00.001+09:00

In John 5:1-15 we read about when Jesus healed the paralytic by the Pool of Bethesda. This man was paralyzed for the last thirty-eight years and spent much of his time at the Pool waiting for the waters to heal him.Nevertheless, each time the waters were ripe for healing, the man's paralysis prevented him from getting healed.

My paralysis was my sexual addiction. It started when I was 10-years old and held me captive for 25 years of my life. Every time that I thought I could break free, something pulled me back into my addiction. Ultimately that something was my own unwillingness to step out of the shadows of my addiction.

When Jesus asks the question "Do you want to get well?" he's asking that man if he wants to finally get off of his mat. It sounds like such a simple question. Who wants to be stuck on a mat for decades? To everyone else, it looks like a miserable existence, yet to the man, this mat was his home for as long as he can remember. He knew every inch of the mat. The mat had been there for him in good times and bad.When it rained the mat reminded him that he could always count on it to be there even when everyone else abandoned him.

This is the struggle that an addict goes through in order to break free. The addiction looks terrible to everyone on the outside but to the addict it's their comfort and medication in times of pain. In other words, it's easier to continue to stay where you are rather then get up and walk on your own. Before Jesus will heal us, we have to truly desire to be free of what restricts us.

In John 5:7 the man replies, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred." I can't count the times that I blamed my actions on others! In fact, the more that I blamed others, the easier it became to continue in my addiction.

Jesus' next action isn't to help the man into the pool. Rather he tells the man to "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." When we start to break free from our sexual bondage, our first step is to try to run from our addictive behaviors, but inevitably we return to the desire to act out in our addictions again. In fact, the first year of recovery is often fraught with relapses and moments when we feel that we will never break free.

The Jews told the paralytic that it was against the law to carry his mat on the Sabbath. Often times, a recovering addict will turn to the church for help with his addiction, only to be told that he should just stop acting out and read the Bible more.

The reality is that even though we've started to walk, our mat sticks to our feet and trips us up. The only way we truly get free is by picking up mat and facing our addiction head-on. We must discover what is at the root of our addictive behavior, whether it's past hurt and trauma or neglect. Piece by piece we turn over our brokenness to Jesus who heals us. Eventually Jesus comes back to us and reminds us of the importance to "stop sinning or something worse may happen" and we are able to share Jesus' healing effect with others.

Fantasy Perpetrator

2010-10-02T08:18:00.000+09:00

Here's one of my not-so-well-kept secrets. I'm a huge comic book fan. I recently purchased a large collection of old comic books and came across an issue that really stuck in my mind.

In All-Star Squadron #20 (a comic book that takes place during WW II), the Justice Society of America (JSA) was captured by the evil Brainwave. He used his telepathic powers to hypnotize and immerse his victims in a fantasy world where they were fighting the Japanese with their superpowers and having tremendous success. The fantasy world was so realistic that the JSA couldn't distinguish the fantasy from the reality. Eventually Brainwave turned the fantasy around on the heroes and had the fantasy Japanese military "kill" the super-heroes. This had the effect of rendering each hero catatonic and near death. Brainwave knew that once the first superhero died in real life, it would push the other ones over the edge and they would die as well. A second team of superheroes (All-Star Squadron) tried to save the JSA by intentionally entering Brainwave's fantasy world. Despite the fact that they knew from the beginning that this was a fantasy, one by one they also succumbed to Brainwave's fantasy world, were "killed" and rendered catatonic.

The last hero to arrive was the Golden Age Green Lantern. He entered Brainwave's world totally unaware that it was a fantasy. He found the fantasy bodies of his friends that were killed by the Japanese soldiers. Enraged Green Lantern attacked the Japanese military and slaughtered them without mercy. Next he attacked and destroyed the nearby Japanese city, killing innocent women and children.

After his destruction of the city, Green Lantern instantly regretted his action. He couldn't believe what he did while in the grips of his grief and rage. He finds it so devastating that he decides to end his own life and destroy his ring (the source of GL's powers) so that level of evil can never occur again.

However, Green Lantern's attack was so powerful that it overloaded Brainwave's equipment and threatened to kill Brainwave, the creator of the fantasy world. In a desperate attempt to save himself, Brainwave released all his victims and shutdown his fantasy world. Green Lantern's friends communicate with Green Lantern at the last minute, preventing GL from committing suicide. He was shocked to see that it was all an illusion and that his friends were alive and well. He was even more horrified at what he did while in the grips of Brainwave's fantasy world. His friends tried to console the Green Lantern by telling him that it wasn't real and nobody was really hurt. Nevertheless Green Lantern remained devastated by his actions, real or imaginary.

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)

It's no coincidence that Jesus focuses on our thought life and what's in our heart. Our hearts can lead us astray. We can dull the biting edge of our Holy Spirit-guided conscious by continually ignoring it. Our hearts and our minds are a reflection of who we are or at the very least where we are.

As I continued down the road of sexual addiction, one of the ways that I would act out was by reading erotica. In many ways the extremely graphic nature of the stories was even more powerful than the pictures and movies that I would watch. I would play the scenes over and over in my mind. When the stories became repetitious I would simply change the actors (myself always being the "star") or the scenario. Over time, the stories that I sought transitioned from the soft core to increasingly extreme hardcore (because lust is NEVER satisfied). I was free to do whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted within the fantasy world inside my mind.

This became the point when I started viewing myself as a monster. I couldn't believe the things that I needed to arouse myself and started to become terrified of what the next step might be. The fantasy world was becoming indistinguishable from reality. I could relate to Green Lantern's feelings of shock and disgust with himself. I would try to convince myself that since it was only a fantasy, it wasn't real, but I knew better.

Eventually God convicted me that there were victims of my sin that I refused to acknowledge. The nameless actress in the image or movie who came from a lifetime of abuse, the author of the story that I encouraged to write more stories that would take him or her to darker places in their mind, my wife to whom I cheated on over and over in my heart, my kids who would figure out what was going on. The moment when God removed the scales from my eyes was simultaneously the most painful and glorious moment of my life. He used it to pull me out of the pit that I was stuck in and bring me into a loving and healing relationship.

There are times when it is still a struggle. When my past sins taunt me as reminders of who I was. At times, they beckon me to return to my old ways and try to romanticize the "good old days" of acting out. It is in those moments where God whispers to my heart and reminds me of how far we've come. He reminds me of the good He is doing in my life and the healing He is performing in my family. Like the Green Lantern, I will always remember my actions, but unlike the comic books, where God is rarely represented in a positive fashion, I also know that my sins have been forgiven and I am free to live in Christ, which is greater than having any superpower in the world!

"You Give Them Something to Eat"

2010-07-07T15:09:00.003+09:00

13 When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. 14 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

15 As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.”

16 Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

17 “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

18 “Bring them here to me,” he said.19 And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people .20 They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. 21 The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children. -Matthew 14:13-21 (NIV

Normally when you read this you think about the miraculous power of Jesus and how He fed the thousands of people (because the Bible counts the number of men at 5,000 and doesn’t add in the women and children, which would greatly increase the total number fed) with only five loaves of bread and two fish. Certainly this is a reasonable perspective but as I read it over I caught something that I hadn’t noticed before.

This event takes place immediately after Jesus finds out that John the Baptist was beheaded. Jesus withdrew to grieve the loss of John and came back to find that a large crowd had followed Him by foot. Despite being weary and in mourning, Jesus takes the time to minister and heal the crowd. The disciples, recognizing Jesus’ exhaustion as well as realizing that they didn’t have the resources to feed the crowd, recommend that Jesus sends the crowd away for the night.

Jesus’ reply is simple. “You give them something to eat.”

So they look around and scrounge up what they have which is just a meager amount of food.

Have you ever been put in a position where you can minister to others? I’m not talking thousands, but maybe just the friend that is hurting or the stranger in church that nobody is talking to? Have you ever felt totally unprepared to do what you’ve been called to do? Has the size of the problem seemed so overwhelming that you thought that there was no possible way that you can handle it?

Recently we started the Pure Desire Ministry. This ministry is for men, women, and wives that are struggling with sexual addiction and bondage. The sex industry is a $57 billion dollar industry worldwide and intentionally targets people using billions of dollars of advertising, websites, and other methods. Every second $3, 075 is spent on pornography with 28,258 viewers and the most popular day of the week for viewing porn is Sunday. The men and women coming in are struggling with an addiction that has devastated their lives and left them and their families in shambles. They can’t walk outside without some sort of reminder of the pervasiveness of the sex industry. Even walking to SIBC on Sunday morning you’ll find people on the streets following a night of partying and often times wearing what they wore the night before. How do we combat this juggernaut? How do we throw out a life preserver in the middle of a hurricane? How am I qualified to help people that are struggling? These are issues that Mary and I still struggle with years into recovery and we’re far from perfect. How can we be light in this darkness?

Answer: With 5 loaves of bread and two fish.

So Jesus takes these meager offerings and offers them to the Father. God blesses them and then, here’s the key, gives them back to the disciples, who hand them out to the people. Jesus didn’t go around handing out the food, He used His disciples to do it. In the end, all the people were satisfied and there was even an abundance left over.

One month into running the Pure Desire Ministry I am seeing God changing lives. I have seen men be able to say that they are sober for 30 days and they say that they have never been sober for that long since they can remember. I see men that say they don’t want to come but each week they are there and each week God works just a little bit more in their lives. I’m seeing men start to reconnect to God in their lives after struggling to hear His voice. It is incredible and it began with five loaves of bread and two fish.

The point isn’t about what you bring to Jesus. It’s not about the amount of education or money that you have to throw at a problem. It’s not about having the perfect plan or all the pieces falling into place at just the right time. The point is that you bring what you have to Jesus and He’ll equip you to take care of His flock, whether it’s facing a giant industry or just saying “Hello. How are you doing?” to a person in need. He will make you into His hands and feet, you just have to step forward and offer your fives loaves of bread and two fish.

Our Testimony at church

2010-05-16T20:44:00.001+09:00

Last week, Mary and I gave our testimony about the effects of sexual addiction and God's healing grace. It was an incredible experience and I've been blessed and humbled to see God work through our story to reach others. Here is a link to the sermon and our testimony which is about half way through the podcast. Thank you to everyone that encouraged us to be transparent and trusting in God.

Our Testimony at Seoul International Baptist Church

Jonah's Story

2010-05-06T07:11:00.001+09:00

Today while waiting to fly, I read the book of Jonah. There are so many comparisons with Jonah's tale (no pun intended) and my own story of addiction and recovery.

In Chapter 1, God tells Jonah to go to Nineveh and preach against it. Ninevah was a dangerous city that was well-known for it's attrocities so Jonah fought against God's calling and fled. In fact, he fled in the toal opposite direction from where God wanted him to go. I had similar experience when I first accepted Christ and he started to convict me of my addiction. Repeatedly after acting out, which for me involved pornography, God would place on my heart to repent from my actions. Most of the time I would try to silence that voice by distracting myself with work or other things.

Jonah's escape vessel was a ship and God struck it with a violent storm that threatened to destroy the entire vessel. The ship's crew were well-aware of this fact but Jonah was sound asleep. He was sleeping so deeply that the captain of the vessel had to wake him up and ask him "How can you sleep?" This was where I was with my addiction. Everyone knew I had a problem and that my ship was sinking except myself because I was asleep in denial over my addiction.

Eventually Jonah volunteers to be thrown overboard in the hope to save the ship, but not before the sailors try to do evrything possible to save Jonah. My wife sacrificed over and overt to hold things together while I continued on in my addiction.

Once Jonah is thrown overboard he begins to drown in the raging sea. He describes the swirling currents that threatened to engulf him and the seaweed that was wrapped around his head. What's marvelous picture of addiction! Jonah had made the decision to be accountable for his actions by volunteering to be thrown overboard. He was willing to pay the consequence for his sins and felt totally trapped and was drowning. As I started down the road to recovery, things got worse and not better at first as I faced all the hurt and pain I caused my loved ones. There were times when I didn't want to be transparent to my wife because I was so tired of letting her down. There were times when I didn't want to talk to others about my addiction because I didn't want to be known as the pervert.

That was when God stepped in and rescued Jonah, not with a ship, but with a great fish. Can you imagine what it was like to be in the belly of that whale? You have nothing to do, can't see the end in sight, and it smells. But check out what Jonah did during that time. He prayed and thanked God. He thanked God because even though he was in an aweful place, the alternative would have been death. That's what recovery is about. It's painful, lonlely at times, and stinks. But if we keep on the path that we're going, the only thing that awaits us is death. Death of our families, death of our careers, spiritual death, and even physical death. All of which results in the death of our souls after we die in this world.

So may you awaken from your slumber. And may you be willing to step off of whatever escape vessel your on to face the waters below. And may the Lord, our God, rescue you and bring you out of your pit to new life.

Location:Seobinggo-dong,Seoul,South Korea

iPod Blog App

2010-03-09T21:08:00.001+09:00

Trying out this blogger app on the iPod Touch. It's pretty sweet and now I can write wherever I am. I can't wait to use it more.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Seobinggo-dong,Seoul,South Korea

It's My Room!

2009-11-16T13:15:00.008+09:00

Today Marina and I got into a big fight over her room. Since she was a small child, Marina's room has always been a bit of a disaster area. It regularly looks like a small tornado, or micro-burst, started to go through her room; realized half-way through that the tornado was actually making the room cleaner, and then just gave up. Our 9 yr-old son is much the same way with cleanliness, except he shares his room with Phillip, who likes to keep his toys in their original boxes. This makes for a wonderfully charming dyamic between the two.

This weekend I finally got tired of stumbling through their rooms like a blind burglar and decided to consolidate the two messy children into the same room. Marina would move into Nick's room and Phillip would move into Marina's room. As you can imagine, it was NOT a popular decision, except with Phillip, who gets Marina's room for a week. Some of the discussions included whether this move would backfire and push Marina further away, and whether she had a right to maintain her room the way she saw fit.

I thought long and hard about this because I definitely do NOT want to push Marina away during these last couple of years in high school. At the same time, we have certain expectations for the room that Mary and I give to our kids. Even though it costs the kids nothing to receive, it costs Mary and me a lot of money and hard work to give the rooms. It's not unreasonable then, that we want to see our gifts taken care of.

I started to think of how we view our bodies as belonging to ourselves and we have the "right" to use our bodies as we desire. The reality, however, is something totally different. Our bodies are gifts from God. Not only that, they are united with Christ himself. In 1 Cor 6:15 Paul reminds us Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and untie them with a prostitute? Never! Later on, in 1 Cor 6:19, Paul continues with Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

I have lived in a state of rebellion as a sexual addict. I treated my body as if it were mine and mine alone and defiled my body in an affair and through my sexual acting out. I still struggle with tempation of mind and body even though God, just a few verses earlier (1 Cor 6:18) commands us to Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Paul is clearly telling us that our sexual sins are not just against God but destructive to ourselves. Yet despite all of this, my rebellious, sinful nature reaches out for that which will destroy us.

Romans 12:1 says Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So in the end, my rebellion against God, through my sexual addiction, is not unlike my daughter's and son's rebellion against me with "their" room. It would seem that we all must learn to listen more carefully to our fathers and honor the gifts that our fathers give to us as our spiritual acts of worship. In this way, we will be transformed from what we are to what God wants us to be.

An Incredible Revelation

2009-09-08T10:26:00.003+09:00

It was 11:45 PM a few nights ago, Mary had gone to sleep and I felt this strong compulsion to read the Bible. I read some from Psalms and Isaiah, but what really struck me was Romans. Chapters 2-3 just opened my eyes to understanding several things. It was amazing because through the Holy spirit I finally understood the purpose of the Law, or Old Testament, and how we fit into the law and God's righteousness. Most of all, I'm beginning to understand, in my heart and not just in my head, the true meaning of Jesus' salvation.

You are righteous when you obey God's laws, even if you know nothing about them. On the other hand, if you know the law and brag about your relationship with God and don't live the law, you will actually push people away from God. Romans 2:28 says "a man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly." There are a lot of times when I fit into this category. I spend my time talking about my relationship with God, but not living it. When was the last time I helped out the poor? When was the last time I reached out to the broken through action rather than words? When was the last time I made a commitment to help those in need and saw it through?

So back to righteousness. God uses the law to show us how high His standards are, but the Jews missed the point and focused on the outward actions rather than the inward heart. So along comes Jesus to help clarify that what's on the inside is even more important than the outside. In Romans 3:11 Paul paraphrases Psalms 14:103 and says "there is no one righteous, not even one," which is that no matter what we do, we will fail to meet God's perfect standards. Under the law we would truly have to be zero-defects.

But here's the deal, the purpose of the law is to hold the entire world accountable to God, and none of us will be declared righteous by observing the law alone, because honestly, none of us are good enough. However, God uses the law to make us conscious of sin. In other words, the law is a barometer of sin.

So how can we be righteous in God's eyes? Through FAITH in Jesus Christ! Paul reminds us "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." I find this reassuring especially when Satan uses my guilt, about my addiction, to attack me and push me away from God and away from my family.

This next verse is so critical to this discussion. Romans 3:24-25 says "and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood."

Justification is when a judge declares a defendant not guilty. So picture that you're in a courtroom, because we're ALL going to be in front of a judge when we die. All your sins, each and everyone of them, are presented before God. The evidence is overwhelmingly against you. God asks is anyone will speak on your behalf. If nobody speaks, God will find you guilty and you will spend the rest of eternity shut off from God, in Hell, forever in torment.

Instead, Jesus rises and testifies for you because you accepted him into your life. He says that he already atoned, or sacrificed to take your place as guilty. Jesus' sacrifice of atonement purchased your freedom, which is the meaning of redemption (to purchase someone out of slavery and give them their freedom). After hearing Jesus speak, God turns to you and pronounces you "Not Guilty" and you enter that gates of heaven, because you put your faith in Jesus.

Here's the best part, if you've accepted Jesus as your Savior in your heart, this day has already occurred. So you're free to go and sin no more. You're free to spread the Good News that this salvation and freedom are available to anyone. You're free to bring heaven to earth through your actions. Now go forth and sin no more.

Jesus Loves You.......This I Know

2009-09-04T18:54:00.001+09:00

From the book, Jesus Loves You.... This I Know by Craig Gross and Jason Harper

The Power of Prayer

2009-08-03T07:33:00.002+09:00

Right now we're going through an incredibly difficult time, which I will write about more in the near future. People have been praying for us continuously and it's just so humbling and incredible to see so many people speak to God on our behalf. What is even more humbling is when we see God respond to prayers, like in this video.

God Moment #3

2009-07-04T08:11:00.007+09:00

Yesterday morning I was reading the Bible. I can't even begin to explain enough how much of a difference reading God's Word first thing in the morning brings to my whole day. What's weird is sometimes, He just reveals Himself and it totally freaks me out.

For example, yesterday I came across Psalm 18. There was a particular section, Psalm 18:16-19, that jumped out at me. It says,

He reached down from on high and took hold of me,

He drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the Lord was my support.

He brought me out into a spacious place,

he rescued me because he delighted in me.

This verse really spoke to me because that's what God is doing with me right now, as He is saving me from myself. My foe is my addiction, and it's absolutely more powerful than I am.

Wave after endless wave.

I was sinking.

I was drowning.

I was dying.

Then God stepped in. He reached out and grabbed a hold of me, using ministries like XXXChurch, Pure Life, Freedom Ministries, and the Weekend to Remember Marriage Seminar. He pulled me into recovery and started to heal myself and my marriage.

And then came a period of relapses. Relapses, that I didn't treat as relapses because I thought that I hadn't fully give back in to my addiction, failing to realize that with each slip, I was sliding further back into the waters.

Like the swimmer who doesn't realize that he's gone to far from the shore.

Deeper and deeper.

Until I couldn't say I was sober. Until my demons confronted me on the day of my disaster. The day that I had to tell my wife that I relapsed.

It was at this time, that God stepped back into my life. He opened my eyes. He opened my heart. He reached back down, and rescued me from my powerful enemy and brought me out to a spacious place. A place of safety.

Why?

Because He delighted in me.

In me.

A struggling addict who couldn't even see his addiction for what it was.

He delighted in me.

So how is this a God Moment? Well, that same morning when I read this verse, I went downstairs to get ready for our trip to Everland. I started listening to a new podcast called Porn to Purity. It's done by a married couple that share their struggle with sexual addiction. The husband's addiction had cost him his ministry and nearly destroyed their lives, because addiction isn't just about the addict.

The wife was talking about what was helping her get through. I say getting through, because they were 2 years into recovery, which reminded me that recovery is more than just 12-steps. The wife started to share Bible verses that really helped her, and the first one she shared was Psalm 18:18. The very verse that an hour earlier I had just read and that God spoke into my heart so profoundly.

It was like this reinforcement of how much He loved me. It was like a reminder of His comittment to me.

And then this morning, while reading Rob Bell's Sex God, which is a book about God's plan for sex, I started to see how all of this was connected. I started to see how God had been working in my life all these years, leading me to this point in my recovery where I was open to Him. It's amazing to see how He interconnects things. In fact, it blew me away when I saw it, but I'll save that for later.

The Heart of the Matter

2009-06-15T22:51:00.003+09:00

This morning I read Job 31:9-12 which really spoke to me, especially Job 31:9-10 which says:

"If my heart has been enticed by a woman or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door, then may my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her."

Job states that if his heart has been captured by another woman, then his wife may as well sleep with other men because that is the same that he has done by giving his heart to another.

The word "enticed" is such an excellent word because it's so easy for us, as men, to forget how easily we can be led, or lead ourselves, astray. As a recovering sex addict I convinced myself that I wasn't cheating on my wife because I was not having a physical affair even though Jesus clearly states in Matthew 5:29:

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

During the course of my recovery I've learned that lusting after a woman is the same as cheating on my wife, and my wife confirmed this as well. Slowly over time God has opened my eyes to see the destruction that my addiction caused and at times the pain and guilt threaten to overwhelm me. He's also opened my eyes to see how willingly I allowed my heart to become enticed by other women, whether I knew them in real life or online. I thought that my addiction was just about satisfying my physical cravings, but I've realized that it was also about my emotional needs, which were even more poisonous to my family and myself.

Lord, I confess that I have sinned in both my body and my heart, and I repent from my ways and ask that with your help Dear Lord that you continue to strengthen me through my recovery. Lord, I ask for your healing touch in my heart, my wive's heart, and my children's hearts. I ask, Lord, that you help me forgive myself, and help me release my guilt to you Lord.

New Family Blogsite

2009-06-06T11:50:00.004+09:00

Mary and I started this blog to provide family and friends with light-hearted pictures and updates of what was going on in our lives. Over time, it's taken on a more serious tone and really started to address our spiritual journey as well as my road to recovery. We tried to do both but feel that if we started another blogsite we would be able to do a better job at focusing on each topic. Therefore, it's with great excitement that we bring you The Funsized Family Blog which will focus on all the stuff that we had originally planned to discuss before I hijacked the blog with my rambling, whiny, endless blog posts.

Anna's Hair Tramua

2009-05-09T10:14:00.003+09:00

I was sitting at the computer when I heard a child crying at the playground, which is not an unusual event. After a minute, I realized that it was Anna, which once again wasn't an unusual event. What was unusual though was when I heard the other kids start to panic, which caused me to run outside.

Anna and her friend were giving each other rides on a moving hand cart. It's one of those things that movers use to haul boxes up and down. Anna's hair got caught and her friend kept pushing the cart. Her hair was completely tangled around the wheel and when I finally got her untangled we had a huge clump of Anna's hair. Here are some pics.

The Heart of Worship

2009-05-02T17:41:00.002+09:00

One of the things that I'm bad about is judging a church by its worship music. If I don't like the music, I don't like the church. In fact, that was one of the big reason we left the first church we went to in Kansas, even though the pastor delivered excellent sermons and their congregation was active.

I find mysef wanting, or better yet, demanding that the worship music make me feel a certain way and then I can focus on God. When I do this, it becomes all about me and not about Him.

Today, God used this video to speak to my heart, and how I need to change my attitude towards worship. I've actually said the line about the guitar not being loud enough! In the end, it's not about us, it's all about Him and it's about time I start remembering that.

Marina with Leni and Jeffery at her first Military Ball

2009-04-28T12:46:00.003+09:00

Marina was invited to her first Military Ball. Ha, now she knows what I go through!!! She had a good time but admitted that all the speeches were BORING!! I actually felt for her. I can't believe that my little baby girl is going to be 15 in 2 weeks!!

Fireproof Bible Study

2009-04-28T12:34:00.004+09:00

We were doing a Bible Study on the movie Fireproof, which is a movie about marriage and the effect of pornography in the marriage. We were blessed to have one of the movie actors, Ken Bevel, join us and share his testimony. It was incredible.

My lovely ladies

2009-04-28T12:28:00.002+09:00

God Moment #2

2009-04-27T07:19:00.005+09:00

A few weeks ago, I was in the shower. In the past, I would often act out sexually (masturbate) in the shower. One of my basic boundaries for staying sober is no porn and no masturbation.

This particular day, I was very tempted to act out and could feel myself starting to disconnect and go into my fantasy world. I said a prayer to God for help. All of a sudden a centipede-like bug crawled by my foot in the shower. I had to kill it, which knocked me out of my mood and saved me from relapsing.

It's an incredible reminder that God IS listening and acting in our lives everday. At the same time, it totally freaked me out because God answered my prayer instantly, which reminds me that He is there ALL the time and knows our every thought and action even before we do. Praise God!

January Pics

2009-04-20T21:27:00.003+09:00

Well, it's been way too long since we've last updated the blog. We've been spending a lot of time on Facebook :) Here are a few pictures from January. It was a quiet month and we focused on catching our breath from the Christmas season. We were blessed to spend some time with the Kim's, who are friends of ours from CGSC at Fort Leavenworth.

God Moment #1

2009-02-09T21:22:00.002+09:00

We've decided to keep track of the little God Moments as reminders of how God works throughout our lives and the lives of those around us.

Tonight's God moment was when Anna, Nick, Mary, and I were praying before bed. Here's what Anna prayed for:

"that Papi can get to work on time and that Grandma Ruth won't step on thorns."

2009-01-21T20:58:00.010+09:00

On New Years Eve we went to a Norebang (a Korean Karoke room) with some friends. This is Anna and Tyler having fun singing the itsy bitsy spider!

We had just goten out of Christmas service and went to the Dragon Hil to see all the Christmas decorations. They had a countdown to Christmas so the kids got their picture by it.

We were at the Plaza Hotel and Mike went upstairs to get a picture of all the kids from above.

We took the kids ice skating. It was so nice, they had lots of fun.

Marina and Anna.

After we went ice skating we took the kids to get a snack a a Dunkin Donuts. On our way we stopped by a Palace by the City Hall and snapped this photo.

The kids are sledding in our backyard. Not much snow but they didn't care, they still had fun!!

Nick Christmas Caroling at the Dragon with his class. Anna and I went to watch, it was so cute!!

Skating in Seoul

2009-01-21T19:52:00.001+09:00

The family went skating at the City Hall in Seoul. It only cost 1,000 won to go skating and included the skates!

Guitar Hero World Tour

2009-01-21T19:48:00.001+09:00

LifeChurch TV

2009-01-11T20:45:00.001+09:00

I checked out Lifechurch TV for the first time. It was really incredible. They also have LifeGroups afterwards online.

A Pirate, A Pirate says Arrrr!

2009-01-11T18:06:00.002+09:00

Let this be a lesson to all you future pirates out there!

Somali pirates drown as they flee with ransom

SIX Somali pirates who hijacked a Saudi supertanker drowned with their share of the ransom when their boat capsized as it left the vessel, their leader said yesterday.

Four others were missing with their share of the $3m payoff, which been parachuted on to the tanker on Friday, Mohamed Said said by phone from the port of Harardhere.

“The small boat that was carrying those killed and eight who survived was overloaded . . . they were afraid of a chase from outsiders [foreign navies of the combined maritime forces],” he said.

Mohamud Aden, a resident of the port off which the tanker had been anchored watched by the warships, said: “The capsize was an accident. The pirates were full of joy and partially frightened by the presence of foreign war machines and were speeding. That was a tragedy for the pirates.”

In all, several dozen raiders had held the ship and its 25-member crew, including two Britons, to ransom. They were well-armed and disciplined but as soon as they got the ransom a shootout nearly broke out, it was reported.

The 1,080ft Sirius Star, owned by Aramco, is the largest vessel hijacked by the Somali pirates. It was seized in November in the Indian Ocean, well outside the raiders’ usual operating area.

The tanker was carrying 2m barrels of oil, more than a quarter of Saudi Arabia’s daily output and worth an estimated $100m. Its capture was seen as a dramatic demonstration of the pirates’ ability to strike hundreds of miles offshore.

The tanker’s crew included second officer Jim Grady, from Renfrewshire, and chief engineer Peter French, from Co Durham. Yesterday they were looking forward to coming home, though latest reports said the ship was still anchored off Harardhere.

More than 100 ships were attacked off the Horn of Africa last year and maritime officials said the problem was out of control. The pirates were said to have raked in $120m and still hold some 14 merchant ships and 300 crew.

The Sirius Star’s release came as the US Fifth Fleet announced that a taskforce targeting piracy would be launching later this month.

Nato and the European Union have warships in the Gulf and the Chinese navy has said it will assist.

Sanctus

2009-01-05T19:53:00.001+09:00

I love this song. It's Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real.

Year in Review

2009-01-03T20:04:00.002+09:00

It's hard to believe that 2008 is over. So much has happened in the past couple of years that it's hard to keep things straight sometimes. Here's a quick recap of 2008:

- January: Grandpa Pavek went home to Grandma. His Alzheimer's disease meant that he didn't recognize any of us anymore. I think the hardest part of the disease is that you lose your loved one well before they pass away. The day that he died we were driving up to MN and were listening to the The Bible Experience (an audio fullcast version of the Bible) and going through the Lord's Prayer when Mom called to tell us that we didn't need to hurry any longer. To this day, the Our Father reminds me of that moment. We also started attending the Open Door Baptist Church in KC.

- February: Joe and Sarah visited us in our house in KS. This was the first time that they had visited us since we lived in Colorado in 1997. It turned out to be a great visit and really brought the two families together. At the end of the month, I joined Freedom Ministries to help with my sexual addiction. This was a life-changing event. I would like to say my road to recovery has always been smooth, but I've had my share of setbacks. Nevertheless, I continue to trust in God and lift my addiction up to Him. Please continue to pray for me with this season of trial.

- April: I coached Phillip and Nick's soccer team. It was a great experience and I loved the opportunity to get closer with the boys. We also finally got our PCS orders to Korea and started making all the preparations for the move overseas.

- May: As part of my recovery, I had to face some of my past failures the last time I ws in Korea. It's funny how things that you push to the back of your mind comes out during recovery. I've had to face several such skeletons.

- June: CGSC Graduation! I really enoyed my time at the school. I got reacquainted with some old friends and made several new ones. We said goodbye to new friends and began the trip to Korea by starting off with leave in MN. We had a family reunion, reconnecting to two sides of my dad's family. This started during Grandpa's funeral when we realized how much we long it had been since we all sat down together.

- July: PCS to Korea. One of the greatest God moments in my recent memory occured when my prayers were answered before my very eyes while trying to find seats on the airplane, after being bumped from our flight. Seats were unavailable because we had Zoey with. I said a quick prayer that we find seats and all of a sudden seats opened up!

- August: The boys joined Kumdo and Tae Kwon Do. I participated in a big training exercise, which had its emotional moments.

- September: The kids started their first year in an overseas school. Anna joined ballet and we went on a trip to Yesan. After attending nearly every english church in the area, we settled on the Seoul International Baptist Church.

- October: New neighbors moved in that we would become good friends with.

- November: Anna joined Kinderdance. Mary had her nasal polyp removal surgery in a Korean hospital. We had Thanksgiving at our house, which was a first for us.

- December: Merry Christmas!!!! Ice skating, Karaoke, and shopping trips. We broadcasted our present opening on the internet for my parents to watch. It was really hard to remain focused on Jesus at times. This is something that we all need to work on, but I realized how blessed we are to be here in Korea together. We miss our family all the time, but are looking forward to the day when we are all reunited.

That pretty much wraps everything up. We hope that you all had a good New Year and look forward to hearing from each of you. Happy New Year!

The Pavek's

November Pictures

2008-12-29T21:29:00.003+09:00

The kids of our friends, Randy and Tammy & the Kim's at the Myeongdong shopping district right before Mary went in for her surgery. Myeongdong is the fashion district in Seoul.

Anna with her Kitty Hat and gloves

Phillip with his friends, Walker and Jin on a field trip.

Mary and I went out with two other couples from the neighborhood on a fun night out. This is us at Amigo's enjoying some good 80's music. From left to right are Randy, Emma, Nate, Tammy, me, and Mary.

Halloween 2008

2008-11-11T15:09:00.003+09:00

We had a great Halloween this year. They did the actual Trick or Treating on Saturday to help the "Weekend Warriors." These are all the Soldiers that are separated from their families during the week because they are stationed north of Seoul. They come down on the weekend to be with their families and then go back up north for the work week.

We went to a Halloween Party at Jeremy and Trish's house on Friday and then went trick or treating on Saturday. Here are some pictures:

Anna's First Ballet Dance

2008-10-14T15:20:00.001+09:00

Last month, Anna had her first ballet performance. Here are the videos.

Nick's Yellow Belt Test

2008-10-10T21:29:00.002+09:00

Last month, Nick tested for his Yellow Belt in Tae Kwon Do. These are the videos from the test and of Nick getting belt the next day.

Kids Karaoke

2008-09-20T12:58:00.004+09:00

Here are my kids in all their singing glory.

Shopping in Korea

2008-09-03T21:10:00.002+09:00

This is one of the underground shopping areas in Seoul. We have been doing a lot of shopping since arriving here! Soon we're going to start checking other things out, but shopping is a good way to start things out I guess and it's also one of the easiest things to do since there are shopping areas all around us within subway and walking distance.

The family finally got to ride a subway during rush hour. Since we had the stroller, we were even more packed in than normal. Poor Marina had to lean over the stroller because there were so many people. When we were getting ready to get out of the subway we stacked up and just shoved our way out. I'm so proud of my family!

Phillip's Kumdo Yellow Belt Test

2008-09-03T20:54:00.001+09:00

Last week Phillip tested for his Yellow Belt in Kumdo. Here is the video of his test.

Flight to Korea

2008-07-21T18:50:00.000+09:00

Last week we left the US for Korea. It was quite an adventure and there were a lot of unforeseen bumps in the road. First, we had to reschedule the flight because United Airlines told us the Tokyo-Narita airport didn’t allow pets through it. This surprised Fort Leavenworth, but they found us a flight for the next day that went from San Francisco to Seoul. We called at least 3 times to confirm our new reservation and make sure that we had everything ready so we could bring our dog Zoey. The army wouldn’t pay for our flight from Minnesota, where we were on leave, so we had to rent two vehicles and drive back down to Kansas to fly out. We arrived a day early and checked in at the United desk to make sure that we bought the right type of kennel to fly with. They told us that since Zoey was flying in the cabin, any type of kennel would do, so we bought a soft kennel at Wal-Mart and thought we were ready for the flight.

The next day we woke up at 2 AM, turned in our rental vehicles at the airport, and were at the ticketing desk at 4 AM, just like the reservations people told us. United didn’t open the desk until 5 AM, only one hour before we flew out. We went up to the counter and the agent told us that Fort Leavenworth failed to pay for the tickets, even though the seats were reserved (that would have been good info to know the other three times we called!). I called Fort Leavenworth, but nobody was at work, so I called the travel emergency number in Texas, where they told me that in order for them to help me, I needed to FAX a copy of my orders. Have you ever tried to find a FAX machine at a small airport 45 minutes before you depart for an international flight? Needless to say it took me awhile, but after 20 minutes of a panic run up and down the terminal I found a woman who was kind enough to help me. With 25 minutes left, the emergency travel line told me that they needed to now call their bosses at home so they could approve my ticket. Apparently they couldn’t do this during the 20 minutes that I was running around looking for a FAX machine! Needless to say, I missed my flight, but the emergency travel people reserved me the next flight, which would take us through the dreaded Tokyo-Narita airport. We checked with three different United agents and all of them said that they never heard of Tokyo not allowing pets, so we crossed our fingers and hoped for the best. At 7:30AM the people at Fort Leavenworth came into the office. I called them at 7:31 AM and after 20 more minutes they agreed to pay for my new ticket. We immediately went to the ticketing counter (we had been sitting in front of it for almost 4 hours already) and got our boarding passes and headed through the security checkpoint and to the gate. We were on our way!

At 10 AM United announced that our flight was delayed for 45 minutes and there was no way we would be able to make our connection in Chicago. Also, that flight was the only flight for the day, so we needed to go back to ticketing to find a new flight. So we picked up our bags and our dog and went back to the counter. Our United agent’s name was Phil and he couldn’t find us room on any flight for the next several days because all the flights were full for pets. He worked for an hour straight with us even though there was a long line of less-than-patient customers behind us. He tried everything in the book, even trying to get us into business class in the hopes that it would count as a different cabin and have room for pets. It didn’t. While waiting I said a prayer and asked God for someone to cancel their reservation, but then I took it back because I didn’t want anything bad to happen to someone. About five minutes later, Phil looked at his monitor in shock and said that someone just cancelled and we would be able to make the next day’s flight! What an incredible God moment. This still stuns me and just puts me in total awe that God would take the time to work in our lives.

So we went back to the hotel, after we got all of our bags back off of the plane. In the confusion I loaded all our bags into the wrong shuttle van and then had to unload them. I grumbled about how unfriendly Indian people were, only to have the next shuttle van driver, who was from India, be incredibly friendly and helpful to us. Yet another humbling moment for the day.

The next day we got up and made our flight. There were no problems with our flight through Tokyo and the whole family, including Zoey, where absolutely spectacular. We arrived in Seoul and after about an hour of going through immigration/customs and the Army in-processing checkpoint we linked up with my sponsor. We load all of our stuff in the Bongo truck and then piled into the mini-van. We were on our way!

The van wouldn’t start.

20 minutes later, the flood van engine started and we were on our way!

We got lost in Seoul and spent 30 minutes driving in a circle. Mary received her introduction to Korean driving and she loved it. At one stop there was a motorcycle with a husband, wife, and an infant in the mom’s arms. My thought was, “I wonder why the infant’s not wearing a helmet?”

So after all of that, we made it here safely and gratefully. God provided us with a beautiful home on post after only a week and we have Zoey back with us (she had to stay in a kennel while we were in the hotel). I started my new job on Friday and am very excited about the future.

Blog Redesign

2008-06-25T10:19:00.003+09:00

We thought that it was time to retire our old blog design (Kidz Gone Wild), which was up and running for almost 2 years. The old blog was very cluttered and I thought that I would streamline it and bring the focus back on to the post, rather than all the banners and widgets, although I had to retain the KC Wizards widget. Eventually, I will create a new header graphic and logo of the family, but I really liked this layout. Let me know what you think.

Marina's baptism

2008-06-22T22:18:00.000+09:00

Trip to Mount Olympus

2008-06-21T09:35:00.003+09:00

We visited Wisconsin on our way to Korea. We got to spend the week with Tony and Deb and while we were there we went to the Mount Olympus amusement park. Tony took his son, Ethan and Nick on the Hades roller coaster. The boys really enjoyed the ride.........

Food for thought

2008-06-19T01:12:00.000+09:00

Anna at Church

2008-06-09T12:36:00.003+09:00

Here are two videos of Anna's pre-school group dancing at the Open Door Baptist Church, KS for our last Sunday service before we moved.

Marina's commercial

2008-05-21T12:24:00.004+09:00

Marina and her friends put together this commercial. It's really funny and came together pretty well. Maybe we have a videographer in the family.

Zoey and the Robot

2008-04-20T11:50:00.004+09:00

We went to the kids' school carnival and used our game tickets to buy a RoboQuad toy robot. It's like a Furby on steroids and does a lot of neat things, but Zoey has a different opinion.

Father-Daughter Banquet

2008-04-19T07:42:00.004+09:00

A couple of weekends ago I got to go out on a date with two girls!! The introduced us as Mike Pavek and Princess Anna and Princess Marina. Here's a picture of my beautiful ladies.

The CG on the Daily Show

2008-04-12T09:26:00.002+09:00

OK, I don't buy everything that the Command and General Staff College tells us, and when it comes to balancing homework and a schedule the schoolhouse really stumbles, but this was pretty sweet.

Anything But Silent

2008-04-01T06:56:00.002+09:00

This video asks some serious questions that I find myself sometimes asking. What has been your experience with God? Do your questions go unanswered?

On a different topic, I'm looking at redesigning the blog. Any recommendations?

Family Portrait

2008-02-29T13:06:00.003+09:00

Here's a recent picture of the family taken just this month.

Fritz's Railroad Restaurant

2008-02-17T11:43:00.001+09:00

My brother Joe visited us and we went to eat at a restaurant where they served your food using a train. Here's a video of that.

Pictures

2008-02-13T10:10:00.000+09:00

Here are a few recent pics from Grandpa's funeral.

Us and our cousins

My cousin and I

My dad and Zoey

Doctors use Wii games for rehab therapy

2008-02-10T03:56:00.000+09:00

Yet one more reason to love your Wii......

By LINDSEY TANNER

CHICAGO (AP) — Some call it "Wiihabilitation."

Nintendo's Wii video game system, whose popularity already extends beyond the teen gaming set, is fast becoming a craze in rehab therapy for patients recovering from strokes, broken bones, surgery and even combat injuries.

The usual stretching and lifting exercises that help the sick or injured regain strength can be painful, repetitive and downright boring.

In fact, many patients say PT — physical therapy's nickname — really stands for "pain and torture," said James Osborn, who oversees rehabilitation services at Herrin Hospital in southern Illinois.

Using the game console's unique, motion-sensitive controller, Wii games require body movements similar to traditional therapy exercises. But patients become so engrossed mentally they're almost oblivious to the rigor, Osborn said.

"In the Wii system, because it's kind of a game format, it does create this kind of inner competitiveness. Even though you may be boxing or playing tennis against some figure on the screen, it's amazing how many of our patients want to beat their opponent," said Osborn of Southern Illinois Healthcare, which includes the hospital in Herrin. The hospital, about 100 miles southeast of St. Louis, bought a Wii system for rehab patients late last year.

"When people can refocus their attention from the tediousness of the physical task, oftentimes they do much better," Osborn said.

Nintendo Co. doesn't market Wii's potential use in physical therapy, but company representative Anka Dolecki said, "We are happy to see that people are finding added benefit in rehabilitation."

The most popular Wii games in rehab involve sports — baseball, bowling, boxing, golf and tennis. Using the same arm swings required by those sports, players wave a wireless controller that directs the actions of animated athletes on the screen.

The Hines Veterans Affairs Hospital west of Chicago recently bought a Wii system for its spinal cord injury unit.

Pfc. Matthew Turpen, 22, paralyzed from the chest down in a car accident last year while stationed in Germany, plays Wii golf and bowling from his wheelchair at Hines. The Des Moines, Iowa, native says the games help beat the monotony of rehab and seem to be doing his body good, too.

"A lot of guys don't have full finger function so it definitely helps being able to work on using your fingers more and figuring out different ways to use your hands" and arms, Turpen said.

At Walter Reed Army Medical Center, the therapy is well-suited to patients injured during combat in Iraq, who tend to be in the 19 to 25 age range — a group that's "very into" playing video games, said Lt. Col. Stephanie Daugherty, Walter Reed's chief of occupational therapy.

"They think it's for entertainment, but we know it's for therapy," she said.

It's useful in occupational therapy, which helps patients relearn daily living skills including brushing teeth, combing hair and fastening clothes, Daugherty said.

WakeMed Health has been using Wii games at its Raleigh, N.C., hospital for patients as young as 9 "all the way up to people in their 80s," said therapist Elizabeth Penny.

"They're getting improved endurance, strength, coordination. I think it's very entertaining for them," Penny said.

"It really helps the body to loosen up so it can do what it's supposed to do," said Billy Perry, 64, a retired Raleigh police officer. He received Wii therapy at WakeMed after suffering a stroke on Christmas Eve.

Perry said he'd seen his grandchildren play Wii games and was excited when a hospital therapist suggested he try it.

He said Wii tennis and boxing helped him regain strength and feeling in his left arm.

"It's enjoyable. I know I'm going to participate with my grandkids more when I go visit them," Perry said.

While there's plenty of anecdotal evidence that Wii games help in rehab, researcher Lars Oddsson wants to put the games to a real test.

Oddsson is director of the Sister Kenny Research Center at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis. The center bought a Wii system last summer and is working with the University of Minnesota to design a study that will measure patients' function "before and after this 'Wiihab,' as someone called it," Oddsson said.

"You can certainly make a case that some form of endurance related to strength and flexibility and balance and cardio would be challenged when you play the Wii," but hard scientific proof is needed to prove it, Oddsson said.

Meantime, Dr. Julio Bonis of Madrid says he has proof that playing Wii games can have physical effects of another kind.

Bonis calls it acute "Wiiitis" — a condition he says he developed last year after spending several hours playing the Wii tennis game.

Bonis described his ailment in a letter to the New England Journal of Medicine — intense pain in his right shoulder that a colleague diagnosed as acute tendonitis, a not uncommon affliction among players of real-life tennis.

Bonis said he recovered after a week of ibuprofen and no Wii, and urged doctors to be aware of Wii overuse.

Still, as a Wii fan, he said in an e-mail that he could imagine more moderate use would be helpful in physical therapy "because of the motivation that the game can provide to the patient."

Berkeley to Marines: You're 'not welcome in our city'

2008-02-09T08:15:00.000+09:00

I found this aticle on CNN. As member of the Armed Services that has proudly served for 12 year I'm sworn to defend the Constitution and the rights inherent to that document. This includes the freedom of speech which the people of Berkeley are obviously happy to utilize. However, while I'm proud to defend such rights, I find it truly disgusting what the city council of Berkeley has done here. I wonder if this city would request the assistance of the same Armed Services that they scorn in a nautural disaster? Please continue to support the brave men and women who risk their lives everday despite the public ridicule and condemnation that they receive from ungrateful people such as the townsfolk of Berkeley.

By Wayne Drash
CNN

(CNN) -- Berkeley, the famously liberal college town in California, has taken aim at Marine recruiters, saying they are "not welcome in our city."

Republican lawmakers in Washington fired back this week, threatening to take back more than $2 million of federal funding to the city as well as money designated for the University of California-Berkeley, the campus that became a haven of protests during the Vietnam War.

The battle erupted after the Berkeley City Council approved a measure last week urging the Marine recruiters to leave their downtown office.

"If recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome intruders," the item says.

It goes on to say the council applauds residents and organizations that "volunteer to impede, passively or actively, by nonviolent means, the work of any military recruiting office located in the City of Berkeley." See photos of protesters camped outside Marine office »

Outside the Shattuck Avenue recruiting station earlier this week, a handful of protesters with the anti-war group Code Pink camped out, strumming a guitar as they sang anti-war songs and held signs against the Iraq war.

"Time to end the war, time to end the war, time to end the war right now," they sang to the beat of "I've Been Working on the Railroad." Watch protesters sing "I Ain't Afraid" »

One giant sign said, "No Military Predators in Our Town." Another message on a pink placard read, "Join the Marines. Travel to Exotic Lands. Meet Exciting and Unusual People -- And Kill Them."

Zanne Joi peered out from under her straw hat. "This Marine recruiting station is trying to recruit our youth to go to Iraq to kill and be killed. And we are against that," said Joi, a member of Code Pink Women for Peace.

"This is part of a multi-pronged effort to end this war."

Protester Sharon Adams added: "This recruiting station recruits people to go fight and then once they fight and they serve their country, our country doesn't take care of them. That's a shame."

But not everyone here supports the protesters.Watch young men confront protesters »

Forrest Smith, who described himself as a veteran of U.S. Special Forces, said his son recently returned from a tour in Iraq and his daughter served in Afghanistan.

"My position on this is the Marines are the best thing we have," said Smith, decked out in Army fatigues.

He blasted the City Council for its action. "It's clearly an abuse of power."

A group of young students who strolled down the sidewalk shared that sentiment. They derided one of the protesters who argued the United States was involved in an illegal war in Iraq.

"Where's the logic in that whatsoever?" one of the young men said. "That's our national security, and you're here protesting the Marines."

Another said, "It makes me sick. It makes me sick."

Gunnery Sgt. Pauline Franklin, a spokeswoman for the Marine Corps Recruiting Command, told CNN there is "no plan for that office to move."

She said recruiters are there to "provide information to qualified men and women who are looking for opportunities that they may benefit from by serving in the military."

"The Marine Corps is here to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, which does guarantee the freedom of speech," Franklin said. "In terms of the situation in Berkeley, the City Council and the protesters are exercising their right to do so."

In Washington, a group of Republican lawmakers have introduced the Semper Fi Act of 2008 -- named after the Marine motto -- to rescind more than $2 million of funds for Berkeley and transfer it to the Marine Corps.

"Like most Americans, I really get disturbed when taxpayer money goes to institutions which proceed to take votes, make policy or make statements that really denigrate the military," said Sen. David Vitter, R-Louisiana, a co-sponsor of the bill.

He told CNN he believes the bill will pass. "I think it's going to have significant support."

The bill's co-sponsor, Sen. Jim DeMint, R-South Carolina, said in a written statement, "Berkeley needs to learn that their actions have consequences."

Berkeley's declaration, which was introduced by the city's Peace and Justice Commission, accuses the United States of having a history of "launching illegal, immoral and unprovoked wars of aggression and the Bush administration launched the most recent of those wars in Iraq and is threatening the possibility of war in Iran."

It adds, "Military recruiters are salespeople known to lie to and seduce minors and young adults into contracting themselves into military service with false promises regarding jobs, job training, education and other benefits."

Out on Shattuck Avenue, it appears the protesters have no plans to leave anytime soon. "We are the civilian population; we control the military," Adams said. "We the people have to take back our control of the military."

Halloween '07 video

2008-02-06T07:34:00.000+09:00

I love this video because it captures one of those casual moments with conversations about nothing.

An Incredible Gift

2008-01-10T21:41:00.000+09:00

I found this on GodTube and just had to share it. The girl is only 11 years old!

Phillip's Art

2007-12-09T11:22:00.000+09:00

Here are some of Phillip's drawings. Mary and I were very impressed!

Red Raiders Finish 2nd

2007-12-03T22:50:00.000+09:00

Phillip's team made it all the way to the finals!!! We were in Wisconsin during the final game, but they still did great.

Red Raiders finish 2nd
By Chris Wristen

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Easton — The Lansing Red Raiders opened and closed their season with losses to Horton, but the Parks and Recreation third- and fourth-grade football team was perfect during the two months sandwiched in between.

The Red Raiders played six games during that two-month span, and all were victories.

Coach Sean Sachen said his team made lots of progress during that time, and he said his players have plenty to be proud of — including its eventual runner-up finish in the Northeast Kansas Athletic Association Super Bowl Saturday night at Pleasant Ridge High School that Horton won, 8-0.

“We could see throughout the season that we were getting a lot better,” he said. “Every game we got a lot better. We were better at tackling. We were better at blocking.

“We didn’t get to see (Horton) since the first week, and obviously they’ve gotten a lot better too.”

Horton beat Lansing in the season-opener, 12-6, on Sept. 8. In the six games that followed, opponents reached the endzone just twice.

“(Assistant coach) Mike Williams does a really good job with our kids on the defensive side,” Sachen said. “We do a lot of drills, form tackling, fundamental stuff and pursuit drills. We did the fundamental stuff, and these kids really picked it up.”

The Red Raiders rolled through their first two playoff games and earned a rematch with Horton in the Super Bowl.

Both teams’ defenses were stellar during the first half. Horton mustered just 10 yards of offense and one first down before the break. Meanwhile, Lansing had two first downs and 50 yards of offense — most of it coming on a 48-yard reverse by Will Gauger-Kersten.

Horton only had one extensive drive all game, but it encompassed nearly 13 minutes overlapping the third and fourth quarters. The slow and steady 70-yard march was interrupted with a 43-yard pass play that set up a one-yard run for a touchdown.

Holton took its 8-0 lead with 3:58 left, and Lansing was unable to respond with a scoring drive of its own.

The Red Raiders finish their season with a 6-2 record and an awfully proud coach.

“They played their hearts out every single game,” Sachen said. “To lose to the same team twice, and by a touchdown each game, that’s pretty good.”

Members of the second-place Red Raiders are Drew Sachen, Adin Hite, Josh Forest, Dalton Spears, Joseph Bowman, Hunter Couch, Joey Haller, Will Gauger-Kersten, Phillip Pavek, Tanner Williams, Quinton McQuillan, Garrett Rooker, William Wilk, Sam Twitchel, Brian Orkwis, Dawson Schroeder, Avery Barlett, Tyler Yea and Reece Fritz.

The Adler Story

2007-11-19T07:09:00.000+09:00

This is the story of the Adler family. Marina is friends with their daughter, Ellie, and this is just a heart-touching story of love.

Go Red Raiders!

2007-11-16T21:49:00.000+09:00

Phillip tried out football for the first time this year and had an excellent season as a running back and wide receiver. He really took to the sport and it was a blast watching the kids play every game. Here's a recap of his season. Phillip is #39 and you can pick him out because, just like his old man, he's not that tall.

A Tomah Couple's Road to Adoption

2007-11-06T12:48:00.000+09:00

Our friends, Tony (Anthony) and Deb......

What to do when porn strikes

2007-11-05T21:24:00.000+09:00

At last I know how to react when I'm tempted!

More Pictures

2007-07-16T11:57:00.000+09:00

Visiting Old Friends

2007-07-15T08:49:00.000+09:00

I'm attending the Simulations Operations Course at Fort Belvoir, VA and Fort Lewis, WA. It's given me a chance to get together with many old friends. What always strikes me the most is how much the kids grow up. Here are a few pictures of some of my visits.

Doctor Who

2007-07-04T23:49:00.000+09:00

This is hilarious.

The girls ad their ABC's

2007-06-20T09:01:00.000+09:00

This video is too cute. The audio's a little bit off but not too much.

Swinging at the Park

2007-06-19T06:10:00.001+09:00

Our friend, Tony.............

Bionic Woman Trailer

2007-06-11T22:19:00.000+09:00

Coming this fall on NBC. Check this out!

Christ in Our Lives

2007-05-30T06:59:00.000+09:00

In September 2006, our family accepted Christ into our lives. God began truly changing our lives from that month on. Our church, Bible Evangelical Free Church of Tomah, WI, asked us to share the story of how we came to know Christ. Here it is...................

Video Time

2007-05-23T11:52:00.001+09:00

Here is a video I put together of the kids back in 2004. Anna had just been born. Enjoy.

Picture Time

2007-05-23T11:28:00.000+09:00

It's been such a long time since I've posted any pictures of the family, so here are a few. More to follow in another post.

Faith Under Fire

2007-05-21T10:58:00.000+09:00

My comments: A breakfast with a friend last week made me really consider what the Army Chaplains are going through in Iraq. I still haven't told my old chaplain that Mary and I have accepted Christ. I'll fix that tonight.

To all the chaplains out there, my thanks. You have such an incredibly difficult task and like so many of us, weren't prepared beforehand the way that you would of liked. Thank you so much for keeping the faith.

The Military: Faith Under Fire

By Eve Conant
Newsweek

May 7, 2007 issue - Army Chaplain Roger Benimoff heard the IED blast and saw the smoke rising. From his vantage point at a forward-aid station on the morning of June 7, 2005, he peered through a fog of dust as .50-caliber machine-gun fire erupted in the distance. Then the guns went silent. Benimoff helped medics get stretchers ready for the wounded. But when the soldiers of Fox Troop returned to station near Tall Afar, all they had was the bloodied corpse of one of their men. Benimoff began a familiar death ritual. The heat was closing in on 100 degrees; a smell of diesel fumes filled the air. Benimoff gathered the medics around the corpse of their comrade in the shade of an armored personnel carrier. Ignoring the din of rumbling engines and radio chatter, he began to pray in a strong and reassuring voice, quoting Psalm 121: I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He prayed for the soldier's family. He prayed for the medics who had wanted so much to help. He prayed that God would look down upon their small circle and surround them with his love.

Yet at times in the Iraq War zone—and after coming home—Benimoff began to question that love. His experience, detailed in a daily journal and voluminous e-mails from Iraq shared with NEWSWEEK, is a tale of a devout young man who begins his time in Iraq brimming with faith and a sense of devotion that carries him into a second tour. "My heart is filled with prayer and God is giving me a discerning spirit," he writes at the start of that later deployment. "The spiritual battle I am engaged in is a minute-by-minute war." He is "on fire for God." But the start of a full-blown crisis of faith—one he grapples with as a chaplain at Walter Reed Army Medical Center today—is seen in his journal entry from that night near Tall Afar: "Can [I] keep doing this? Is the pain & the heartache worth it? ... God, please let me look to you and no other."

Benimoff's journal is written in a scribble of printed letters on 126 unlined pages. It's a tale of helicopter crashes, suicides, improvised explosive device blasts—and the professional, spiritual and marital troubles of soldiers seeking comfort. A mixture of adrenaline and devotion keeps Benimoff focused in the theater of war. Yet over time, his spiritual foundation is shaken by the carnage. The demons surface in full once he finds more time for reflection. After joining Walter Reed last June, Benimoff was plagued by questions. "I am not sleeping well and I am still scared," he wrote. "I was reading my Bible and I found myself getting violently mad at God." For a brief period early this year, he came to "hate" God, and wanted nothing to do with religion.

God can be found or lost in a foxhole, but rarely does war leave someone's faith untouched. In some ways, Benimoff's story is common to people of all walks of life and all beliefs. It is the story of spiritual struggle—and of trying to accept a world of both good and evil, where pain and loss seem unconnected to faith and justice. Such tensions are magnified on the battlefield. Countless soldiers—not just chaplains—have struggled with how to reconcile a God of love with a God who allows the terror of conflict. For centuries theologians and philosophers have grappled with ideas of "just war": thou shalt not kill, but under certain conditions—to prevent wider bloodshed and suffering—slaughter by armies is acceptable.

Many American soldiers in Iraq wear crosses; some carry a pocket-size, camouflage New Testament with an index that lists topics such as Fear, Loneliness and Duty. U.S. troops have conducted baptisms in the Tigris. They often huddle in prayer before they go on patrol. Not everyone is comfortable with this. About 80 percent of soldiers polled in a 2006 Military Times survey said they felt free to practice their religion within the military. But the same poll found that 36 percent of troops found themselves at official gatherings at least once a month that were supposed to be secular but started with a prayer.

The survey didn't ask soldiers whether they suffered doubt or loss of faith. National Guard Specialist George Schmidt, 30, who was raised as a Methodist in Titusville, Pa., and became a Wiccan before deploying to Iraq in June 2006, says he saw fellow soldiers driven in different directions. "Either you're running to God, grasping to hold on to the guy you were before you came to Iraq, or you're running right away from him because of what you're seeing," he says. Schmidt is now being treated for posttraumatic stress disorder and anxiety at Walter Reed. Army Specialist Joe Schaffel, 24, who is also being treated for PTSD, went to Roman Catholic school in Sleepy Hollow, Ill. "I had faith until I got to Iraq," says Schaffel, who returned from his second deployment last September. "I haven't gotten it back since. Once you get there, you wonder how God could allow anyone to go through that."

It is up to military chaplains to help relieve battlefield stress, even as they may be suffering themselves. According to a 2006 military study, 27 percent of chaplains and their assistants in the field reported burnout levels that were "high" or "very high." Some of the potential effects of what the Army calls "provider fatigue" are acutely troubling for chaplains: hopelessness and doubts about spirituality.

No polls show how many chaplains have difficulty reconciling a good and loving God with the carnage of war. And it's clear that battle can both strain and strengthen faith. "I still have dreams where I'm throwing up little flag-draped caskets," says Chaplain (Maj.) Victor Chatham, who served with the National Guard in Kuwait in 2004, conducting funeral "ramp ceremonies" and debriefing traumatized soldiers. "It wasn't so bad blessing one or two caskets, but when there were 13 at once, it's a different kind of duty." He retired from the guard shortly after that deployment and sought therapy. He's still a believer, but he says "there is no way that questions of faith don't come up in an atmosphere like that."

Many chaplains think that war strengthens their belief and the spirituality of the troops they serve. "It is the trials of life that ultimately help us to grow in our faith," says Air Force Chaplain (Capt.) Trent Davis, who was deployed to Iraq in 2005. He recalls one soldier who wasn't much of a believer at home but decided to read a Psalm each day while deployed. The day the soldier started in his vehicle across the Iraqi sands was the day he read from Psalm 23: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. "After that his faith grew much deeper," says Davis.

Military chaplains are further stressed because there aren't enough of them. About 2,700 chaplains minister to an active-duty force of 1.4 million, meaning there's one chaplain for every 518 service members. In peacetime, the ratio is deemed adequate. But with the military fighting two wars, service members often need daily counseling to cope with emotional trauma. Many soldiers suffer spiritual doubts in war, but the stresses can be especially acute for chaplains. By ministering to men and women who are struggling to keep faith, many are forced to confront their own doubt again and again.

Chaplains are unarmed, but they go where the troops go. They help in any way they can. "When there were 17 or 18 bodies, it was more than mortuary services could handle," says Army Chaplain (Lt. Col.) Dick Olmstead, now retired, speaking of his deployment to Kuwait and Iraq in 2004. "Maybe it's not the brightest move to have chaplains opening body bags to place 40-pound bags of ice on dead soldiers, but you have to go where your hands and heart are needed." Still, after 20 or 30 ramp ceremonies, he says, "you can't help but wonder if God is really listening to you."

Benimoff didn't ever expect to enter into such a close relationship with God. Born in New York in 1972 to parents with Jewish ancestry, he was raised in a Baptist household by his mother and stepfather, who moved to Austin, Texas, when Roger was 7. The family went to church on Sundays, but Benimoff wasn't particularly devout. When he graduated from Smithville High School in 1991, he enlisted in the Army and was sent to Fort Riley, Kans. Later he joined the National Guard while studying for a criminal-justice degree at Texas State University-San Marcos. It was around this time, he says, when he needed "God's presence."

Benimoff didn't just want a job; he wanted a meaningful life. At a Baptist student-group meeting, he met his future wife, Rebekah McIntyre. "It was the first time I saw people practicing what they preached, and it amazed me," he recalls. "And I recognized her as having the kind of relationship I wanted with God—she was truly in love with the Lord." She was also very pretty and had a great sense of humor. He had found his family and his calling.

They married in 1996. Their first son, Tyler, was born just after Benimoff began divinity school at the Southwest Baptist Theological Seminary in Ft. Worth, Texas. Their second son, Blaine, was born during his chaplain residency at a Texas hospital. But Benimoff knew where he was destined to serve. He had already taken the summer of 2000 to complete the Army chaplains' officer program at Fort Jackson, S.C. "I had always been a soldier," Benimoff says. "What better way to serve God than to help soldiers spiritually and emotionally?" He went back to regular duty in the Army on July 16, 2003, as a chaplain and a captain. Three weeks later he was in Al Anbar province, in charge of the spiritual welfare of 1,100 troops.

Benimoff wasn't supposed to be on the front lines. He was a chaplain with the Third Armored Cavalry Regiment, within a support squadron not designated for combat. But in Iraq, that distinction is easily lost. On Nov. 29 that first year, Benimoff was resting in his office when the headquarters troop commander rushed in to say a convoy had been ambushed. Benimoff raced to the hospital to meet the choppers; he helped identify two dead soldiers. He recalled a verse quoting God from Isaiah 54:10, which he had passed out to soldiers earlier in the week: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed. He continued to use that verse in sermons; it captured the soldier's sense of grief and his own belief in God's steadfast presence. But it didn't explain why bad things happen to good people, a question Benimoff would face again and again from the soldiers he served with—and from within himself.

Once back in safe territory at Fort Carson, Colo., Benimoff learned he would soon be deployed again. This time he asked to be placed with a combat maneuver squadron. "These are the guys that go in and kick down doors and drive tanks," says Benimoff. "I wanted to be there for them." He confided in his journal, however, that he was not sure he'd recovered yet from the deaths he endured during his first deployment. And he was terrified of getting killed.

He headed back to Iraq in February 2005, this time to Tall Afar. "It was a ghost town when we got there, no one went on the roads," he recalls. "There were decapitated bodies on the street." Benimoff often traveled in Bradley fighting vehicles or Abrams tanks to reach soldiers in small outposts. "I could go to one post and the next day the soldier there might be killed by a sniper," he says. He writes in March, "I feel that God is maturing and blessing me ... [This] is almost a monastic type of existence." Later that month he quotes to himself from Hebrews 11:1, What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen.

Yet Iraq is a place that often kills hope. Soldiers come to him distraught as marriages fall apart. Others feel tricked by the military when their tours are extended. On April 20, he writes of a memorial service he just finished for a private first class. A week later a Bradley crew is badly shaken up after a roadside blast. On April 29, two soldiers are killed by an IED. "Already, I am repeating my pattern from [the first tour]: I am doing more memorial ceremonies than preaching ... I feel numb."

One day in May, snipers take aim at him and other soldiers on a hospital rooftop in Tall Afar. "The Army must be warping me," he writes, "because it was not a big deal to get shot at. Last time I was petrified." The adrenaline rush soon wears off; he writes that it is "hard for me to feel at all."

He's racked by contradiction. He is "getting to impact soldiers spiritually ... and personally as they go through this difficult time ... I am in the middle of history and I have a captive audience!" Yet looking back, he says, he could see that he was reaching a point "when your cup of grief gets full, you can't hear another horrible story." In a single two-week period there were four suicide bombings in the area he was stationed. He counseled his men on many questions he was struggling with himself. "They would ask me: if I'm a child of God, then why isn't God protecting me?" he says. "In the book of Job we see that God rains on the just and the unjust, but that's not always easy to accept. Some soldiers stop believing in God, others grow closer to him. Everything is accelerated in a war zone."

Soldiers would also feel hopeless because of domestic troubles "like when the water heater breaks at home and they can't help." In a June 19 entry, he writes of one of his men threatening to hurt himself to get home to a wife demanding a divorce. By this time, Benimoff's own wife is uncertain about what is happening to her husband, with whom she communicates by e-mail, instant message and hurried phone calls. "He would say some things that flew in the face of my own beliefs about God," Rebekah recalls. "Sometimes he would ask me: why does a loving God allow suicide bombers to attack civilians? We were both brought up with a picture of God that was different from the world he was seeing. But I was afraid he might turn away from God completely. The things he said didn't sound like something I wanted my husband to be saying. But after a while, I realized that he was having a crisis. So I said, 'OK, better to let him test than to tell him 20 reasons why he's wrong'."

As the months go on, there are more killings; more blood and shattered glass in the Humvees; and the suicide of an American soldier in another squadron. On Aug. 13, Benimoff writes, "I start the service in 45 minutes and I am really feeling 'out of it'." Two days later he admits to himself, "I don't have a desire to totally give myself to God. However, I am praying that God changes my desire."

By November, exhaustion sets in: "24 critical stress debriefings for over 300 soldiers and six memorial services later I am very tired. I have so much anger inside." Yet Benimoff has been offered a chance to join Walter Reed as a chaplain working with wounded outpatients. He is excited by the prospect, but daunted by his own misgivings. Flying home in January 2006, his group is met at the Bangor, Maine, airport by a group of veterans. They include a World War II vet who speaks to them of his joy and pride in liberating Jews from a concentration camp. Benimoff later admits in his journal, "I do not feel the same about what I have done but maybe I will feel different years from now."

As time goes by, though, he feels worse. He sees himself growing emotionally detached and begins taking anxiety medication. When the insomnia subsides, there are nightmares. When he's awake, he's hyper-vigilant. He can't stop the visions: flags draped on caskets, C130s lifting off on "hero flights" to take a fallen soldier home for burial. He finds solace in running, sometimes several times a day; he loses 30 pounds in six months. He forgets to eat. "I was back in the States," he says. "I thought everything was supposed to be fine, but it wasn't." He avoids public places and he avoids his faith. "I am not doing my readings and I don't care," he writes on Aug. 28. "I have been ruined." Three months later, he adds: "Have I wasted 10 years of my life? My God doesn't protect me and I feel vulnerable!"

Benimoff becomes distant to his wife and sons. "He wouldn't respond to the smallest things," says Rebekah. "I'd ask, 'Do you want a sandwich?' and he'd say, 'I can't talk about that right now.' ... It was hard to go through that time, and in a way, we're still figuring it out." Benimoff's fear of groups even made it hard for him to attend church. "We went to a megachurch one time, with 5,000 people, and we won't do that again," says Rebekah.

Benimoff's journal ends Jan. 22 of this year. The last lines read: "I do not want anything to do with God. I am sick of religion. It is a crutch for the weak ... We make God into what we need for the moment. I hate God. I hate all those who try to explain God when they really don't know." By late March, during his first interview with NEWSWEEK, he was recovering his faith but the pain had not subsided. "The symptoms are still there; this past year has been the most challenging of my life," he says. "But I have a new relationship with God. I tend to be much more blunt with him."

As part of his daily rounds at Walter Reed, Benimoff strolls the campus gardens or the lobbies where outpatient vets congregate. Some are on crutches, some walk with prosthetics and some are in wheelchairs. His job is to be there, to say hello and to see if they need someone to talk to. Benimoff even offers up his cell-phone number, and tells the vets they can call 24/7. He invites 22-year-old Army Specialist Brent Hendrix, a Southern Baptist, to talk. Hendrix lost his right leg, and suffered multiple other injuries when an IED hit his vehicle last June in Al Anbar province. He talks with Benimoff about NASCAR—and later about how there's no time to think of commandments like "Thou shalt not kill" when enemies are shooting at you. Army Sgt. Andrew Buchanan, 25, who lost part of his right heel in an IED blast in Baghdad, tells Benimoff he's not much of a believer—but that his brother's a born-again Christian. He shows Benimoff a medallion of Saint George that his mother gave him before he deployed, and they chat about patron saints.

The rounds make Benimoff feel a certain kinship. The patients talk about their spirituality, and they can discuss "the same issues I am dealing with—anger towards God and grief over loss," he says. He shares a verse that best describes where he is today with his faith, Psalm 40:1-2. I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. After two deployments and his new mission serving the wounded from Iraq, anger and grief are daily companions. But, Benimoff says: "God gave me room to cry out as I flashed back to traumatic events and the soldiers my unit lost in those two deployments. He allowed me to slowly move through the mud and the mire." Now Benimoff is trying to look forward as much as back. "It's messy, it's not a pretty ending," he says. "I cannot tie a pretty bow on my story and I don't believe that God would want me to." He thinks of the soldiers whose lives were lost, but also of those who survived. He hopes that the verse of Psalm 40—I waited patiently for the Lord—which is so meaningful to him, might help to lift the spirits of other soldiers who fall into the same slimy pit.

With Dan Ephron, Babak Dehghanpisheh and Rod Nordland

In Honor of Mothers

2007-05-17T21:11:00.000+09:00

I meant to post this awhile ago but didn't get around to it. Just wanted to share this with all you Mothers and wish you HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

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Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother & not some other Mom?
1. We're related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work and work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Skin Deep: Image & Authenticity

2007-04-07T10:32:00.000+09:00

This is one of the best articles that I've seen in a long time on the image-focused reality of the music industry. Please take a few minutes to go to this link and read through the article that Christian Contemporary Music artist Nichole Nordeman has written. She writes about all the pressures that even Christian music artists face to look a certain way.

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

2007-03-28T10:58:00.000+09:00

Here's a video that we put together for my parents' 40th Wedding Anniversary last fall. I finally got around to putting it on the internet. Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad and we Love You!

To Write Love On Her Arms

2007-03-18T10:13:00.000+09:00

To Write Love On Her Arms

There are times in our lives when we feel like we're all alone. It feels like the whole world's turned their back on you, that nobody could ever love you. You feel invisible & insignificant. You think that if you'd just disappear that everyone else's lives would be better.

But........

There's another way.

There's a better life.

There is infinite, immeasurable love.

There are people out there that have never met you, but love you. There is a God that is listening to your silent prayers because He's standing right next to you. Don't give up. Don't give in to the darkness that is creeping in on you from all sides. Every night eventually turns into day. Every storm passes. Every broken heart can heal.

Give life a chance.
Give love a chance to find a place in your heart.
Jesus died, so you might live.

Live.

Live.

Live.

Marina's New Show Choir Dance

2007-02-15T21:54:00.000+09:00

Marina's show choir is learning to do "We're All In This Together" from the High School Musical. I found this video of the cast, hopefully it will help Marina!

Anna Nicole Smith - A Tragic Story

2007-02-11T04:20:00.000+09:00

Mary and I were talking about Anna Nicole Smith's death this week. I told her that there was something incredibly tragic and sad about this story. She's been a mother, stripper, model, gold digger, laughing stock, grieving mother, and finally another victim of the porn industry where she got her start. At times she's been the hottest model in the business and other times a laughing stock. What a roller-coaster of a life.

Do you think Vickie Lynn Hogan ever saw her life spinning out of control the way that it did? For a brief time, it appeared that she had it all, and then just as quickly it was taken from her. Can you imagine what she felt when she found her son dead after having just given birth? That story impacted me so much more than I thought it would have. Were her hopes for the future pinned on her children like so many of ours?

Is her story the same as so many others that are involved in the adult entertainment industry? The porn industry tells us that riches and acceptance are within our reach if we're willing to just go to the "next level", but the reality is so very different. This is a true tragedy, just like so many other stories. I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose a child, especially after the birth of another. I can relate to having your life start to crumble around you, but not to the extent that Anna Nichole's did.

The thing that I have to remind myself, is that my story, your story, or the story of anyone of us could be very similar. We all have dirt in our past, all have made bad decisions and it's only through God's grace and forgiveness that we are able to carry on. So may you remember that you're not alone. May you know that there IS a greater power out there and that He has a plan for you. May your heart be open to His voice and willing to accept his plan.

No Regrets

2007-02-04T21:58:00.000+09:00

Yesterday a friend and I attended the No Regrets Mens' Conference at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, WI. (For the record, we used Google Map for directions and they sucked!) It was an incredible experience!!!! The church itself was huge and the worship team was awesome! I loved the moments when the team would stop singing and only the congregation would sing. It was so wonderful.

The Keynote speaker was Gordon MacDonald from CenterPoint Church. He was an eloquent speaker and shared with us his personal testimony. He talked about the story of Jonah and that when Jonah was in the whale's belly how awful it must have been. It must have smelled horrible and Jonah realized how far he had fallen from grace. Pastor MacDonald said, "I know the whale's belly very well" and continued to relate how he had found himself in that belly on many different occasions. It was something that I could really relate to.

The theme was "Finish Strong" and focused on us not coasting through life. It made me think about how many times I have just let the current of life take me this way and that. One of the seminars that we attended was titled "Finishing Strong in the Workplace." It started off pretty slow and I was beginning to wonder if we'd made the right choice coming to this one. Then it picked up and the speaker questioned if we left our faith at the door when we were at work. This is an area in my life that I have been struggling with. Living as a Christian in the Army can be very challenging, although there's no reason why it should be. The speaker asked whether anyone at work would know we were Christians or not. The answer for me would have to be "No." My work puts me in a position of leadership and influence and it's time I started leading the way God wants me to lead.

My personal favorite seminar was titled "Guarding Your Heart and Mind" and discussed pornography and sexual sin. The notes can be found here. This had been my dirty little secret that almost destroyed my marriage and through the works of organizations like XXX Church I've come to see how much I was in the Belly of the Whale like Jonah. They've helped me turn my life around and offer a free accountability software program called X3 Watch. This program sends a report to your chosen accountability partner (for me, it's Mary) that lists all the questionable website you visit. It's only by God's grace that Mary is still by my side. Thank you Lord and thank you Mary. I can never thank either of you two enough for this gift that you have given me.

This will be my first week in the worship team so I need to get going. I'll close with this question, If you died to today, would you be accused of being a Christian?

2007-01-10T11:19:00.001+09:00

Last month, the family got their biggest Christmas present ever, a little puppy! Her name is Zoey and our landlords were generous enough to let us have a dog live in the house. They kids love her, and we're all glad that she's a part of the family. Anna, in particular, loves having someone around that she can play with.

My brother on the web

2007-01-05T10:13:00.000+09:00

I found my brother Joe on the web today. He is a welder, participated in the International Apprenticeship Contest this year in the Industrial/Welding portion.

This last summer he took first place for the third year in a row! It's a very impressive acheivement that we're very proud of. It was also very surprising to find him on the internet. Way to go Joe!

Are You On Track?

2006-12-20T07:47:00.000+09:00

I subscribe to several financial publications. The cover of the latest Money magazine is pictured below.

The headline story is titled "Are You On Track?" The first sentence says "FACE IT: YOU CAN'T HELP COMPARING YOURSELF WITH THE JONESES." It goes on to give tons of stats to compare yourself to. It even gives you a "How You Stack Up" chart that tells you if you're keeping up with your neighbors. This includes comparisons on the value of your home, your income, your debt, etc. etc.

For some reason, this really, really bothers me. If you look at the picture it shows a happy couple smiling for the camera, with the title written over them. Is this what we've been reduced to? Is the our value measured in dollar signs? Or maybe in our physical beauty? Maybe, we measure our value based on the praise of others of our children's accomplishments? Perhaps you're one of those people that only feel cherished when others are lavishing attention on you, and when that attention fades you feel empty.

It makes me wonder, How do we really determine if we are on-track? Who's "track" are we on? Are we on our own track? American society's track? Our family's track? What if there's a better way? What if God's plan for us doesn't involve us counting up all our possessions to determine who's the best person?

Pastor Rob Bell from Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan addresses how truly blessed America is in last week's sermon, entitled Calling All Peacemakers: The questions of a kingdom. The slides that he used during the sermon can be found here. The bottom line is that the United States possess 21% of the entire world's wealth. At no other time in the world's history has this much wealth been consolidated in one country.

The Parable of the Rich Fool in Luke 12:16-21 says:

16And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. 17He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.'

18"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." '

20"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'

21"This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."

Pastor Tim Lucas, from Liquid Church, in a series titled Money, Debt and the Bible, discusses how this rich man realizes that he has too much stuff and has to build a bigger place to store it. His goal is to retire, eat, drink, and be merry. He isn't crazy, HE'S AMERICAN!!! How many of us have three car garages but don't have three cars? Myself included. One of the fastest growing business are off-site storage places. We're paying someone else to store our extra junk.

It all comes down to this. Many of us don't realize how truly, truly rich we are. 92% of the rest of the world don't even own a car, not to say two or three. The AVERAGE American lives in a lifestyle that only Royalty lived before. We are rich beyond compare. If statistics are to be believed, $20 billion dollars is required to provide everyone in the world with basic food, water, and shelter. The US spent $20 billion dollars on ice cream last year.

Think, just think, of how much GOOD we can do. Think about what God expects out of people that are as blessed as we are. Mary and I have spent over $700 this year on presents. A goat that will nourish a family for a year costs $75. We didn't buy a goat. We didn't. But if I look on the "How You Stack Up" chart, I'm right there in the Upper Middle Class. We're so blessed and we couldn't be bothered to buy a goat. So ask yourself, "Are You On Track with God's Plan for You?"

Boys' School Photos

2006-11-10T11:17:00.000+09:00

My friend, the comedian

2006-10-12T11:07:00.001+09:00

My old company executive officer is now a comedian. Just click the area below.

Abortion Banned in South Dakota

2006-10-06T11:33:00.000+09:00

I used to think that South Dakota had very little to offer other than the Black Hills and Mount Rushmore. I would have never believed that this state would become the most contested battleground in the war against abortion.

Pro-Family Groups Hail South Dakota Abortion Ban

by Wendy Cloyd, assistant editor

The state now faces legal challenges that will likely end up before the Supreme Court.

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds signed into law today a bill that outlaws nearly all abortions in the state. Planned Parenthood has already announced plans to challenge its constitutionality.

The law states that "life begins at the time of conception, a conclusion confirmed by scientific advances since the 1973 decision of Roe v. Wade, including the fact that each human being is totally unique immediately at fertilization."

It also guarantees the rights of the mother and the unborn child and states the only way to fully protect both is to prohibit abortion.

"Guarantee of due process of law under the Constitution of South Dakota applies equally to born and unborn human beings," the law reads, "and . . . under the Constitution of South Dakota, a pregnant mother and her unborn child, each possess a natural and inalienable right to life."

Rounds said lawmakers were right to protect preborn children.

"In the history of the world, the true test of a civilization is how well people treat the most vulnerable and most helpless in their society," he said. "The sponsors and supporters of this bill believe that abortion is wrong because unborn children are the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society. I agree with them."

Planned Parenthood, not surprisingly, does not.

"Planned Parenthood denounced South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds' signing of the South Dakota abortion ban today, vowing to fight the ban in court to protect the rights and health of women and families in South Dakota and across the country," the pro-abortion group announced on its Web site. "The Planned Parenthood community is deeply concerned and outraged."

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, said the decision by the South Dakota Legislature sends a strong message to the nation that "judicial intimidation is over."

"This is how our system of government should work," he said. "The elected representatives of the people set policy that is reflective of the people they represent."

Perkins said technology and scientific information about prenatal development have steadily overcome the myths and lies perpetuated by the abortion industry.

"Give the people or their elected representatives a voice," he said, "and you will find that most of America wants major changes in the abortion-on-demand regime that has stood only by judicial fiat for 33 years."

Bruce Hausknecht, judicial analyst for Focus on the Family Action, said the South Dakota law does directly challenge Roe v. Wade, which gave constitutional recognition to a "right" to abortion.

"The South Dakota law criminalizes all abortion except to save the life of the mother," he told CitizenLink. "If it wasn't going to be challenged in court, the law could go into effect and be enforced."

Planned Parenthood and other abortion groups, he added, will file a lawsuit before the effective date of the new law, seeking an injunction against its enforcement.

"In all likelihood, a federal court will issue an injunction blocking the law, which will be appealed to the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals, and ultimately to the Supreme Court," Hausknecht said. "That process will take at minimum a couple years to complete. No federal court below the Supreme Court is empowered to overrule Roe v. Wade and declare that South Dakota 's ban to be constitutional."

Once the case makes it to the Supreme Court, the outcome will depend on the make-up of the high court at that time. Until then, abortion will remain legal in South Dakota .

"By the time the case makes it to the Supreme Court, one or two liberal judges will have retired, replaced by constitutionalists who will once and for all overrule Roe, which will send the abortion issue to the states," Hausknecht said. "At that point, South Dakota 's statute will also be upheld and any injunction dissolved."

Carrie Gordon Earll, senior analyst for bioethics at Focus on the Family Action, said South Dakota 's stand could just be the first of many. Several other states are now considering similarly sweeping pro-life legislation.

"The pro-abortion Center for Reproductive Rights predicted in October of 2004 that as many as thirty states are poised to pass similar abortion bans once the Supreme Court barrier to such action is removed," she said. "Today's brave action in South Dakota may be the first step in making that a reality."

This is truly the most exciting news that I've heard in years! Naturally, the liberals are hell bent on preserving their right to kill the unborn. They are bring in power players like Jane "Hanoi Jane" Fonda and Robin Williams. They have a budget of $8 million and are launching a media blitz on the citizens of South Dakota trying to get them to repeal that law next month.

We, as Christians, have a responsibility to fight for this law. Details can be found on the Vote Yes For Life homepage. I urge any of you who have friends in South Dakota to contact them and explain to them how critical their vote is. If you can donate your time, then consider organizing a missionary campaign (yes, you can do missionary work here within the US!). At the very least pray for the success of this law and for the unborn children that can't defend themselves.

Marina's Volleyball Picture

2006-09-20T12:03:00.001+09:00

Here's Marina's volleyball picture for this fall.

Survivor Cook Island: Asian-Americans listed as Favorite Race.

2006-09-15T10:23:00.000+09:00

For those of you who weren't aware, this season's Survivor contestants are organized by race. There are four groups, Asians, Hispanics, Caucasians, and Blacks. Now, imagine the conversations going on in our Mexican-Vietnamese Czech household!

I won't tell you what group lost, but the group that finished first today was........ wait for it...... The Asians!!!!! They were followed by the Hispanics, so in my mind everyone in the household won. There was a puzzle near the end and I told Mary that the Asians were going to win because of the puzzle. She threatened and is still threatening to kick my ass, but nevertheless, the hispanics were leading UNTIL they hit the puzzle portion. Mary just hit my shoulder so I hope that the hispanics win next week and the asians come in second.

According to Gambling911, the Asian Americans were listed as the favorite. Now, since Gambling 911 has a huge asian base, this shouldn't be a big surprise. The Asian-American forum, Yellowworld has a ton of comments as well.
There is a lot of debate about this season, but I think it's really interesting. The minorities all feel that they have to represent their race in a positive light, while the caucasians seem more interested in hooking up with each other. We'll see if that makes a difference in the long run.

Oh I have to go now. Anna's asleep and that means Mary and I can get some private time........ TTFN.

Crocodile Hunter

2006-09-13T11:26:00.000+09:00

Look, the latest fad! Gator Tagging!

Honoring My Wife

2006-09-07T11:34:00.000+09:00

I was listening to a radio interview with Rob and Dianne Parsons, who run Care for the Family in the UK. It is similair to Focus on the Family. Caroly Parson hosts seminars for stay-at-home mothers, where she discusses the many challenges of staying at home. More importantly, she tells the mothers how truly important their services are. My favorite line of the interview went something like this:

"When a person asks me, as a stay-at-home mom, what I do for a living, I like to tell them that I am a Social Director that is currently working with three age groups. The first group are infants to toddlers, which requires a certain amount of expertise in psychology and a lot of hard work. The next group is with teenagers, and I confess that this program hasn't been going as well as we would like. The last group is a gentlemen who's in his late thirties to early forties and is exhibiting all the symptoms of a mid-life crisis. This one requires a great deal of patience anda degree in psychology."

I loved that tale and to me it real captures the importance and complexity of what Mary does every day with the kids (except for the mid-life crisis, I went through that in my mid-twenties so I could knock it out while I still had plenty of energy). There are many times, particularly when money is tight (which is most of the time), that Mary questions the value of what she does. Nevertheless, she is working seven days a week, almost 15 hours a day! If I had to pay someone that it would cost me an arm and a leg. More importantly, everday she is developing our kids into mature, God-loving, adults (the next question is when will I mature?) and there is no greater accomplishment than this.

So, I just wanted to publically thank, my wife, and all stay-at-home mothers, for all the sacrifices they do. It may be thankless to some, but for those that it really matters to, we can't thank you enough.

Podcast Ministries

2006-09-03T10:02:00.000+09:00

You know what's incredible? Podcasts Ministries! I know, I know, what am I talking about? Podcasts are pretty much radio talk shows converted into a MP3 that you can download on your MP3 Player. The nice thing about podcasts is that you don't have to have a huge radio studio to make them.

Recently I've been listening to two ministries on my iPod. Focus on the Family with Dr. James Dobson and Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey.

Both can be downloaded at the links provided. I started listening to them shortly after getting my iPod because I had listened to all of my Doctor Who - Big Finish Adventures and the songs on the radio (yes even on my Sirius radio!) were starting to get a bit repetitious. Lots of time when I'm driving I'm unable to listen to an entire radio show because my drive doesn't exactly coincide with the show. A 20 minute drive just doesn't cover the entire 30 minute . Enter ..... the podcast!

These two ministries have really made me do a lot of thinking about my family and our connection with God. I realize that there were a lot of times that I have not set the best example for my kids by the way I act or speak. I listed to them for about a hour a day and they've also helped me start to begin the process of recovery from a lot of the life's pitfalls that I've found myself in.

Most recently, there has been a series of episodes about raising children in a society that is obsessed with sex. I believe that every parent is concerned about this. What I didn't realize though, were all the wonderful resources out there that help parents connect with both the Lord and their children in order maintain their purity. The Christian Contemporary artist Rebecca St. James and writer Dannah Gresh have set up a series call Secret Keeper Girl that organizes 8 mother/daughter dates to discuss these topics.

Marina seems to have a connection with Rebecca St. James and BarlowGirl, whose concert we will be attending in October. I pray that these positive influences will have a lasting impact in her life. I think the thought of my daughter losing her innocence is one of the most stressful thoughts I can imagine.

Also, there is a very eye-opening book, Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation, written by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I read the first chapter and it really made me want to sit down with Marina and build on our relationship. The other thing I realized though was that I have to start these talks with the kids at a much younger age, which means talking with Phillip and Nicholas. Children at their age are being introduced to society's image of sex already. This is a very disturbing thought, but if Mary and I ignore that fact then the influence of TV, music, peers, etc. will be how our kids form their view of themselves and of the opposite sex.

The thought of talking to my two boys about sex, purity, and God is pretty daunting, especially if you know my two boys. I wonder if I can somehow connect it to Star Wars to keep their attention?

August ReCap

2006-08-27T23:56:00.000+09:00

Mary and the kids are in Minnesota for Carter's birthday party right now. I wished I could have been there but the Mission Readiness Exercise (MRX) that we've been putting together kicks off this week and it's always busiest right before the beginning. In fact, at this point in most exercises or deployments, everyone just wants to get started and stop overthinking everything. We're training almost 1,000 soldiers over the next couple of weeks! Fortunately, things are finally starting to come together, which is better than we thought about two weeks ago. Also, we're getting a lot of the OC/T (Observer Controller/Trainers) in. These people have a lot of experience and it's really helping with the final stages of preparation. Last night we issued the Operations Orders (OPORD) to the units going through the exercise. It was pretty bloodless, which is a huge change from 3/2 SBCT or 3d ACR, where these sort of things can become quite bloody. The exercise begins in just three days and then things will finally start moving to a steady flow.

Since, I haven't written for a month (and I'm still trying to get Mary to write another submission) here's a couple of big events that have happened in the last 30 days:

1) Attack of the Bees!

Marina was cutting the front yard and drove over an underground yellowjacket hive. She kept driving and was out of the area before the wasps got out of the hive to attack, but Anna was not! They swarmed over her and Mary had to run and grab her, getting stung several times in the process. Between the two of them they had almost twenty stings! Mary had three stings in one earlobe, which made her look like a lopsided mexican version of Dumbo. Both are finally getting better and to quote a co-worker, "Anna has the start of a great phobia."

2) Mary Gets All Four Wisdom Teeth Sawed Out!

Last week the team at Gunderson-Lutheran removed Mary's four impacted wisdom teeth. Ouch!!!!!

3) Mary Meets Her First 10% Weight Loss Goal!

Wow! Congratulations Mary! I'm so proud of you. The Weight Watchers Program has been working great for her, mainly because of the support groups. When she gets to her weight loss goal I promised I would buy her a new wardrobe. I think I'll be happy and sad that day.

4)I Got an iPod!

One of the guys at work sold me his 60GB G4 Photo iPod for $150. I love it and have been playing with it and all the podcasts for the last four weeks.

I also bought a FM Transmitter for it that allows me to use it with any radio.

5) MAJOR Mike

Looks like the Army has finally got desperate enough to promote me. Actually it was really wonderful because both sides of the family were there. The last time that my parents were at an Army ceremony was when I was first commissioned. Here are a couple of pics.

6) Attack of the BATS!

Bats number three and four were in the house last week. Number three was dead laying in Marina's room. We think the ceiling fan killed it. Marina found it when she was laying on the floor and Phillip saw it right next to her head.

We first met number four while watching a movie and it flew through the living room. We couldn't find it that night so the kids all slept in our room. The next night while Mary and I were going to the bathroom at 2AM it flew by me and I chased after it and killed it with my Daisy-Wilson combination bat extermination weapon. It's actually my tennis racket and BB gun.

++
=

Well, gotta run and get ready for church.

Lifest!!!

2006-07-20T08:25:00.000+09:00

Hope everyone likes the changes to our Blog.

For our vacation, we went to a Christian concert in Oshkosh, WI. It was one of those 5-day concerts and in true Pavek style we went for one day.

The day before we had come home after spending a week in MN with Abuela and going to Leah's wedding. It was my third trip from Minnesota so we were all a little tired and decided to sleep in later than originally planned (we were going to leave at about 7 AM). However, after everyone deciding that they wanted to eat and us going through our normal chaotic decision making process that resulted in 3/4 of the family eating at the local Kwik Trip and the rest eating at Subways, we left at 10 AM. Still, it was going to be a long day so there was no sense in getting toooooo upset.

A few hours later we made it up there and we were all excited to get going. Mary suggested that Phillip take out his Razor scooter and ride it around. I thought that it would be best if he kept it in the van until we got a chance to see around. He took the scooter.

The first thing that we saw there was actually the Kids Zone play area. It was a pretty neat setup, however, there was one ladder and slide that kids were racing up and down. The workers at the bottom were timing them to see who went the fastest. I thought to myself that this was a recipe for disaster. Just as I thought that, one young Einstein thought that it would be faster to skip the slide portion and just jump off. I thought to myself, "that's going to hurt" as he screamed in agony and was carried away. My kids, on the other hand, had a good time.

Nick at the Kids Zone

After that we went to a panel with the band BarlowGirl and Rebecca Saint James. It was called a Purity Panel and discussed maintaining a teenager's virginity and modesty. I really liked what they had to say, even if I didn't agree with it all.

After that we went to the Worship Together booth to listen to some live music. Afterwards we went to the Grandstand to listen to the first concert. A woman was nice enough to point us to an open area in the second row!!!! The first concert was Todd Agnew. I really love his voice, although the crowd wasn't as into him as they would later get for the follow-on acts.

BarlowGirl came next. This was my favorite show of the night. They had a lot to say and they sounded fantastic. After the show we got in line and got their autographs.

Afterwards, Rebecca Saint James performed. Mary really loved what she had to say and her show was also really great. Her brother, who was one of the background singers, reminded me of what Phjllip might be like when he gets older. Of course, we got her autograph afterwards as well.

The last show that we saw was Michael W. Smith, although I didn't see much of that because I was in line for Rebecca St. James. TobyMac played after Michael W. Smith, but by that time it was already 11:30 PM and we were all feeling pretty tired. I wished I could have stayed and saw the show, but was glad that I left when I did, because Mary and I were pretty slap happy on the ride home.

All in all it was an experience that left a huge impact on us. It was so incredible to be surrounded by people that were there to worship Christ and hopefully we'll all be there for next year's concert.

Sorry France!!!!!

2006-07-10T10:18:00.000+09:00

Today was the World Cup Finals with '98 World Cup Champ, France playing against Italy. Italian player De Rossi was responsible for the vicious elbow to US Player Brian McBride. Consequently, FIFA suspended De Rossi for 4 World Cup matches! The best part, however, was when a French player "accidently" elbowed De Rossi in the head, taking him out of most of the game.

Later on in the game, star French Player, Zidane got into an argument with an Italian player that resulted in the Masters of the Universe style headbutt that you see. It resulted in Zidane receiving a Red Card and getting ejected from the game. When the game went into overtime and later into a penalty shootout, Zidane's absence resulted in France LOSING the match! Viva la France!!!!!!!

Abuela and Leah's Wedding

2006-07-08T05:05:00.000+09:00

[Listening to: Indescribable - Chris Tomlin - Arriving [Enhanced] (03:57)]

Mary's grandmother, Aunt Carmen and Uncle Sam visited this week from Texas. They came up for Leah's wedding and to see everyone. The last time that Mary's Grandma (referred to from here on as Abuela) came was several years ago. The last time that I was able to see her was when Mary and I were dating, about 14 years ago!!!! Back then I didn't leave the best impression with her and wanted to change that. We arrived at the Wedding Reception hall about a hour before they arrived. My in-laws were there decorating. I thought that everyone's hair would be on fire, but for the most part things were fairly calm and collected. The table decorations looked really nice, and as a guy that's about all the comments I should make about decorations.

The wedding was conducted in a beautiful nearby church and was a really nice ceremony. They handed out balloons that were suppose to be held until the bride and groom stepped out of the church then all were suppose to be released simultaneously. The reception meal was easily one of the best I've ever had. It wasn't anything fancy, just stuffing, turkey etc, but it was very well made. I think I must have put on at least 5 lbs from that meal.

The visit from Abuela turned out really well and my kids really liked their family members from Texas. We told them that we would visit them once we were stationed in Kansas (it would cut about 8-9 hours off of our drive). The biggest benefit from the visit was that the kids FINALLY have an interest in learning spanish. Maybe we'll just move them to Texas or Mexico for a few years so they learn!

Below are several pictures of the wedding. For the record, my digital camera sucks!!!!! I couldn't get many good photos. I had to use the video camera to take some photos. The video camera works well as a video camera, not a photo camera. We'll have more in the near future once I can get my hands on a few people's memory cards.

Anna and Felipe

Outside the Church

Newlyweds

Blog Editor Test

2006-07-03T09:43:00.000+09:00

[Listening to: Does Anyone Hear Her - Casting Crowns - Lifesong (04:30)]

I downloaded Blog Editor that is suppose to make it easier for me to type my entries. Mainly I got it, along with a Windows Media Player plug-in, to add the "Listening To" line. We'll see if this one works.

On top of that, it was a great weekend. My sister-in-law got married and Mary's grandmother and aunt came up from Texas. The last time I saw her Grandma was about 14 years ago! Things went well and I'll talk about it more later. I'm hungry and am going to find something to eat. TTFN.

What It Means to Love a Soldier

2006-06-29T21:59:00.000+09:00

Got this from a friend and wanted to share it with everyone. It made me realize just how much my wife does for the family every time that I'm gone. I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

What it Means to Love a Soldier
By Jamie Reese

Special to American Forces Press Service

FORT HOOD, Texas, Oct. 8, 2003 -- She stands in line at the post office waiting to send a package to her husband, a U.S. Army soldier serving in Kuwait. Envelopes, pens, paper, stamps, sunscreen, eye-drops, gum, batteries, powdered Gatorade, baby wipes and Twizzlers. He said he needed the sunscreen and baby wipes. She threw in the Twizzlers.

There's a common bond at the post office in this military town. People aren't just sending letters and packages; they are sending smiles, hope, love and just a touch of home. People look around at the others, sharing their concern, fear and pride. They take comfort knowing they are not alone.

Passing through the gate leaving the Army post, she enters another world. A world filled with pawnshops, surplus stores, barbershops, fast food galore and, of course, "Loans, Loans, Loans."

This is a life that includes grocery shopping at a place called the Commissary. A life that has her venturing to the Post Exchange, referred to as the PX, instead of heading to Wal-Mart. This is where you come to learn, appreciate and respect the ceremonious traditions of Reveille and Retreat, and of course, the National Anthem from a completely different perspective.

At 6 a.m., or as the soldiers call it, 0600 hours, Reveille can be heard across post. The bugle call officially begins the military workday. At 1700 hours Retreat sounds signaling the day's end. Soldiers render salutes, chatter fades and all eyes are drawn to the nearest flag. At 2300 hours, the bugle sounds Taps, denoting not only the "final hour" of the day, but also honoring those we have lost.

When the national anthem plays in a military town, a special aura fills the air. Men, women, and even children stop to pay their respects. Civilians place their hands over their hearts. Soldiers salute. In this world, the anthem isn't just a prequel to the echo of "Play Ball." Since she married her soldier and experienced the Star Spangled Banner from this perspective, she's noticed how people in civilian towns react to the national anthem.

She notices the people who continue to talk, the hats that stay on, the beer that doesn't get put down, and even the jeers at the person singing the anthem. The meaning seems to be lost to a majority of people. But if she looks closely, she can see who has been blessed enough to learn this lesson. Some are grandparents, some are parents, and some are young children.

At first glance, children growing up in this world of artillery, tanks and uniforms are the same as any other kids from any other town. They do the things that kids do. They play sports, go to school, and play with their friends. The difference is that their group of friends may change once a year, or more, due to a change of duty station. They don't have any say in this. They could be two years old and not remember a thing about it, or they may be 16 years old getting ready for prom and having to up-root and move again.

They're known as "military brats," a harsh misnomer for those who learn a lifestyle of sacrifice at such a young age. Yet, it makes them strong. The little boys become the men of the house and the little girls become the ladies. They adapt to these different situations. They live with the reality that one, or even both parents, may not be around to celebrate birthdays and holidays. They know there will be will be times when they will look into the stands during Little League games and see only an empty space in the bleachers.

At the same time, these kids have a sense of overwhelming pride. They brag about their daddies and their mommies being the best of the best. They know their Mom's been through deployments, changes of duty stations, and the ever- changing schedules Army life brings. While Dad is away, she takes care of the house, the bills, the cars, the dogs, and the baby.

To cope with it all, she learns military families communicate via the Internet so he doesn't miss out on what's happening back home. But he does miss out. He won't be there for the baby's first steps, and he may have to hear his son or daughter's first words through a time delay across a static-filled telephone line.

She remembers what it was like before he left, when everything seemed "normal." Normal except for the pressed uniform, the nightly ritual of shining boots, the thunder-like sound of the Apache helicopters flying overhead, and the artillery shells heard off in the distance. OK, relatively normal - when they occasionally went to the park, spent holidays together and even enjoyed four- day weekends when he could get a pass.

But, the real challenge began with the phone call. She relives the moments before she kissed him goodbye. A phone ringing at 0400 hours is enough to make her heart end up in her throat. They've been expecting the call, but they weren't sure when it would come. She waits to hear the words, "Don't worry, it's just a practice run." But instead she hears, "Here we go."

So, off he goes to pack, though most of the packing is finished because as a soldier, he is "always ready to roll." She gets the baby, but leaves his pajamas on because it is just as well that he sleeps. She takes the dogs out, she gets dressed, all the while trying to catch glimpses of her husband. She wants to cherish his presence because she doesn't know when she'll see him again. She knows that in other homes nearby, other families are enacting exactly the same scene.

Within 15 minutes, the family is in the car heading to the "rally point." As they pull up, they see soldiers everywhere, hugging their loved ones. While people love to see tearful, joyous homecomings, fearful, anxious, farewells are another story. Too soon, with his gear over his shoulder, he walks away. She is left behind, straining to keep an eye on her soldier. As the camouflage starts to blend, only his walk distinguishes him from the others. She takes one last look and takes a deep breath. She reminds herself she must stay strong. No tears. Or, as few tears as possible. Just words of encouragement to the children, to her friends and to herself.

Then she turns, walks back to the car, and makes her way home to a house that is now eerily quiet. She mentally prepares for the days, weeks, even months ahead. She needs to focus on taking care of her love while he is overseas. Her main priorities will be the care packages, phone calls, e-mails, and letters sprayed with perfume. And, she can't forget to turn the stamp upside down to say, "I love you."

Taking care of her family, her friends, even strangers - this is her mission as an Army wife to do these things without a second thought. At the ripe old age of 22, she knows the younger wives will turn to her for advice. "How do you balance a checkbook? How do you change a tire? When are they coming home?"

Only when she knows everyone else is OK, the bills are paid, the cars maintained, the lawn cut, the kids asleep, the pets calmed down, and the lights are off, does she take time for her self. Alone at night, she runs the next day's events over in her mind to make sure it will all get finished. She reviews her checklist of things to do, things to buy for his care package. Once again, she checks the calendar to count down the days. Before turning in, she checks to make sure the ringer is on for the late night phone call that might come in from overseas.

Before she falls asleep, a few tears hit the pillow. But even as the tears escape, strength enters her mind, body, spirit and soul. She remembers why she is here. She remembers the pride and the love that brought her here in the first place, and a sense of peace comes over her, replacing, if only for a second, the loneliness, the fear and the lingering heartache she feels while her soul mate is away.

This is what it means to love a soldier.

She wouldn't have it any other way.

Bad Week for World Cup Picks

2006-06-25T22:45:00.000+09:00

All right, let's get the important stuff out of the way first, this week sucked for my World Cup Teams!!!!!

1) Japan got smoked by Brazil with a score of 4-1
2) The US lost because of a poorly called penalty kick to Ghana, 2-1
3) Korea lost to Switzerland after a offsides goal was allowed, 2-0

On the other hand, my friend showed me this wonderful soccer commercial that captures my feelings very well.

Now that my whining is done, the rest of this "weekend" was great. We went home on Wednesday and stayed until Saturday. We didn't do much on Thursday other than watch the US get screwed out of a game (didn't I say I was done whining?). On Friday, we celebrated Phillip and Anna's birthday with the family. I got to meet my new niece and it was good seeing everyone again (it had been about two months since we were last back home with everyone). We made Korean BBQ, Bulgogi and Rice. It was the largest group that we had ever fed. I learned to cook it recently using the ancient Korean method.

Well, that's not exactly how I learned, more of a trial and error style. We weren't sure if everyone would like it, but the feedback was very positive. People liked trying something different. I cooked it on my parents gas grill. When I first started grilling, a decade ago, I used a gas grill. After one of our many PCS moves the grill didn't survive the trip. We started to use a charcoal grill that was leftover from the previous tenants at our new house. When I went to Iraq, Mary bought a full-sized charcoal grill. Although apprehensive at first, I have come to love my charcoal grill. Cooking on the gas grill has reconfirmed my preference for charcoal.

Other than that, the party went great and the kids were very happy that everyone could make it. It's amazing how fast our time here is going. It's also a little sad.

The other thing that we did on Friday was to visit my Grandpa. He has Alzheimer's and doesn't recall a lot of things, but you can still see the spark of what made him so special to all of us. Anna liked him immediately. Especially after he let her play with his stuffed puppy.

Today Mary will check on getting tickets to the Lifest concert, which is a huge Christian music concert that goes from July 05-09. It's very reasonably priced, but feeding the family for 5 straight days would wipe us out so we're probably only going to do two days. I'll let you know what happens later one.

All in all a great weekend. We even left on time!!!!!!! Thanks to everyone who helped out. We really appreciated it.

World Cup Fever

2006-06-18T03:06:00.000+09:00

Outside the window of my house are huge crowds of World Cup soccer fans. I can hear the shouting and cheering from people at the bars (there was even a guy passed out in front of the neighbor's house this morning) and the occasional celebratory fire in response to Ghana's victory of the Czech, keeping the true American dream alive!!!! If the US can beat those dirty Italians today and Ghana on Thursday AND Czech and Italy tie then there's a chance that the US could make it into the next round!

Of course, there's no crowds outside my window and the bars are silent, but there was a guy passed out on the neighbor's steps and I'm still rooting for the US and South Korea. The South Korean soccer jersey and "Be the Reds" t-shirts are out in force right now.

Also, I changed my blog layout again for all the nay sayers out there. Eventually, I'll get around to making my own custom layout instead of using pre-made templates, but that'll be another day.

Earlier this week one of our friends had her wallet and phone stolen from her car....WHILE PARKED IN OUR DRIVEWAY!!!!! They found the wallet down the road and the theif made a few phone calls right after stealing the phone. That tears out, I'm buying a watch dog. I'm not sure if it's going to be a weiner dog or a Chihuaha, but either way, it's going to be intense.

Between the thieves and the drunks, World Cup fever just MIGHT be striking.

The US (blue) going for a backwards flip-kick into a goal against the fiendish Czechs last Monday. Final score - 3 (Czech) to ZERO (US)...........

Silly Faces for Anna's B-Day

2006-06-14T11:27:00.000+09:00

We're trying a new layout. Let me know what you think.

Anna was 2 years old yesterday!!!! I can't believe how old she's getting, as well as how bratty! She is certainly entering her terrible two's and her and I occassionally have the non-verbal conversation.

Other than that, we got Phillip and Nicholas' report cards today and both did great in school! Marina just came back from a camping trip and today she went to a babysitting certification class, so she is officially certified! Plus, they added her name to the Fort McCoy babysitter's list so hopefully she'll get a few calls from that too.

We stayed up really late last night watching Zathura and were all dragging ass today. After we went swimming for Anna's Birthday, we all took a good nap, which was sorely needed. The pool in Tomah is really nice, because there's a large wading area for the little kids and then the regular pool has three diving boards and is very large. We bought a family season pass for $39 so now we can go whenever we want, plus it's right behind the house which makes it even easier.

Yesterday we made a backyard soccer field. Used up about 4 cans of spray paint and it'll be gone after I mow the lawn, but we did have the first official game in the "Pavek Cup" tournament. The most important thing that we found out...... Mary and I suck at soccer.

Here's a picture of the kids after I told them to clean their rooms.

Here's Anna with her birthday present from our friend Jennifer.

Also, in honor of South Korea's World Cup win today, here's one from 4 years ago.

Visits from Friends and Family

2006-05-21T22:53:00.000+09:00

Time flies by too quickly nowadays. I can't believe it's the middle of May already! This last month has been really busy with work and family.

On the work side, we started running operations at Fort McCoy last month with a hospital unit. The section that I work with controls and synchronizes the training aspect of everything. That is to say we unscrew what gets screwed up. The first month there was a lot of work to do. Now we're just going steady. My shift goes from 5 AM to 2 PM so it's not too hard for the family, although I do go to bed before the kids sometimes! Also, we have to have somebody at Fort McCoy 24x7 so that means that days off don't usually occur with the weekends. This makes it hard to go home and visit family while school is still going on.

Fortunately, Mary's parents were able to come and visit us twice, including Mother's Day and my parents were able to make it for Marina's solo choral debut in the beginning of the month. We really appreciated those visits and if anything it keeps Mary and I on our feet cleaning the house LOL.

Also, Mary's friend Jenny (she calls herself Jennifer now, but she'll always be Jenny to us) and her husband visited us. We went to Warrens to see the Cranberry Museum. I think both of our parents would like to see that so next time they're here maybe we'll take them. Marina was helping at a benefit event. I'm very proud of her for doing that.

Next time I'll post some more pics.

Until later.......................................